What Led Me to You, by Carrie Dahlin

This past weekend I attended the Called to Love retreat for adoptive/foster mothers here in Oregon. It was the first time I had ever attended a women's retreat, let alone one focused on this subject matter. There are reasons for this, one of which I'll explain in a minute. When it comes to the topic of adoption, I find myself shrinking back a bit, truth be told. Sometimes it's because I'm not sure how the subject matter will be handled and sometimes its for more personal reasons. We have adopted three times now and there are some areas where I've really started to feel like I could use some input from people who are ahead of me on this journey. I thought perhaps that this was a good year to set aside the weekend and go check out this conference. Jonathan agreed and so off I went. Double bonus points: one of my good friends went with me so it was guaranteed to be fun no matter what we encountered at the retreat.

The only thing I had really paid much attention to prior to arriving at the conference was the fact that Stephanie Fast was going to be the main speaker on Friday night. I totally love Stephanie and was excited to hear her speak again. I will never, ever, ever get tired of hearing from her. Whenever she talks I want to jump up and down and run around the room. She has a most dynamic faith. She's genuine and real, with a deep faith that challenges and encourages all around her. I find it amazing the ways that God has chosen to use her to share Him with others. But I digress (a little). If I had any further hesitations about attending Called to Love, they vanished upon walking through the doors. Instantly I knew that the weekend was going to be so good. And it was! It was just stunning (and still is blowing me away) to be in a room full of women who know your story because they are living your story. Yes, our names and faces might look different but a great many aspects of our stories look and sound exactly the same. When you meet people and you say, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one." then you know you can be friends. Knowing that the emotions you feel, the struggles you endure, and the victories you cherish are understood by others is one of the greatest blessings in the entire world. 'Phenomenal' doesn't begin to describe it.

Enter: What Led Me To You. At the conference there were a smattering of tables with goods and wares to purchase. If you know me, you know I was looking for the books! And there weren't many which was somewhat distressing. (I do have to say that. The conference needed more books!!) At one table I noticed a friendly looking lady standing beside a pile of friendly looking books. I approached her and discovered that we share the same name, spelled the same way. (Which is, of course, the right way.) I asked her if she wouldn't mind telling me a little bit about her book and she happily obliged.

Carrie Dahlin said that she had a hard time finding books about fostering parenting that were honest about the struggles and real hardships and so she decided to write one herself and the fruit of that decision lies within the pages of What Led Me To You. She and her husband began foster parenting a few years ago and have had an interesting journey which has culminated in a few adoptions as well. Carrie writes about what led them to begin this journey and is quite open about the different hurdles and obstacles they've faced in the midst of everything. She shares their story with gut-wrenching honesty regarding her own emotions at various stages of the journey, a fact which makes this book particularly approachable. If you are looking for a how-to as relates to foster care then this is not your book. If you want to hear someone's heart on the matter, and get an idea of the struggles and the joy mixed up in the process, then this book is a don't miss. She speaks from her heart.

Now, as is the case when someone is writing from their heart, it also reads off more like a conversation than anything else. Reading this book very much feels like a sit-down conversation with Carrie. I feel I can attest to this as in our two brief conversations I found that she spoke very much as she writes. As a result, sometimes you read a passage that is more a stream of consciousness than anything else, but it's not too distracting. If you are thinking about engaging in foster care you likely won't mind her written voice because you'll want to hear how she was feeling at various points in time as it will help to give you a clue of what to expect.

As mentioned, Jonathan and I have adopted three times. We do not feel called to fostering and likely will not do so. However, the door is open for future adoptions if God makes a way for it. I read this book because I was curious about her experiences, because I knew that she had adopted as well as fostered, and because many of the emotions overlap between the two. I stayed up late Friday night in my hotel room reading the first half of her story. The next morning I was able to connect with her over the first of many experiences she had as a foster parent. With this slight introduction, I'm going to make something public which I have never done before but which I feel like I can talk about for the first time ever. Carrie and I had an unfortunate shared experienced upon entering into the foster/adoption world in that we were both falsely accused of harming, or endangering, a child. The details between us differ a bit, but the ultimate reality was that false accusations affected our experience and instilled a certain fear about continuing on our individual journeys. It is a hard thing (understatement) to be falsely accused and to have professionals examining your life to see if the accusations hold water. In both of our cases, we were found altogether 100%  innocent but the memory burns. It is not something that you forget. It affects your decisions and choices long after being declared innocent. There is a death of vision when a situation like this occurs and you feel very scared of what people will say and angry about what people have said. False accusations interject confusion. In these half dozen years since, I've not mention it publicly to people because when a person is put "in the know" they tend to speculate whether or not the thing was true. The phrase "grain of truth" is tossed out with raised eyebrows and these statements can be just as damaging as the original accusation. It feeds into doubt and discouragement like nobody's business and continues the hurt. Fear becomes the second weapon used against you and it is almost more effective than the accusation itself.

But here's the ultimate situation: both Carrie and myself are innocent of the accusations. We both understand the pile of ugly feelings. We both know the real source of the accusations and understand that there is one who stands opposed to the idea of adoption just as we know that there is One who models it for us. What matters most is not what people see and think, but what God has called us to. Is it an easy road? We both know the answer to that question is, "No!" It is not easy and yet it is God's good plan for our lives and the lives of the children in our home.

Carrie admits in her book to finding it hard at times to want to please people and have their good opinion. Despite whatever you might think, the same is true of me. It is hard to go against the tide and live a life that most people wouldn't choose because they think it too hard or too risky. It's life on the edge. But here's the thing: the edge is the most exciting place to be!! 'Living to the hilt' is the general idea of all of life!! Is adoption and foster care hard? Yes. On oh so many levels. Is it worth it? Beyond anything you could ask or imagine! Being content in the knowledge that you are walking in the will of God makes all of the hardships, bumps and hiccups ultimately appear as nothing. It's a death to self in some many ways, yes, but that's a good thing! Following hard after Christ is all I ever want to do. Even if and when it hurts.

There are no regrets (foolish to ask this of me) and no wishes for a "do over." There is a great contentment knowing that the children God has given to us were given and placed with a specific reason and purpose in mind. There is a joy in their presence and their company. Sharing family with one another is a blessing I really cannot describe with words. God has used them to change me and used me to change them and we are all on this journey together. The journey continues to improve and become sweeter. Yes, there will be the naysayers and the people who speak words of death but Christ has only words of life and so we focus on Him. If you feel led to pursuing foster care or adoption, educate yourself, seek out (good) advice and, above all, make sure that God has called you to it. If He has - prepare for one of the more wild, fantastic rides of your entire life. It's a good ride.

Christ is front and central of Carrie Dahlin's life and of What Led Me To You and I so appreciated that. If you are thinking about this topic at all, I wouldn't hesitate recommending this read.

If you are an adoptive mom or foster mom, I also can't recommend the annual Called to Love retreat more highly. My faith was strengthened, my soul encouraged and, remarkably to me, I dropped some baggage I had been carrying around unnecessarily. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that there are a great group of women out there engaging in the same battle as myself. Knowing that they exist adds fuel to my fire.

I'll end with a song that we sang at the conference which I cannot get out of my head. It ministered to me deeply as its messages spreads itself out over our entire family history and story.

You were reaching through the storm,
walking on the water
Even when I could not see.
In the middle of it all,
when I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me,
Not for a moment did You forsake me

She is Mine - Winners

If you missed my review of Stephanie Fast's She is Mine, please take a moment to read. (Linked to my thoughts.)

Using Random.org the five winners were selected who will be sent copies of this book. I am in the process of contacting the winners and will mail their books out to them within the week.

The winners are:

#6 - Alicia
#18 - Annette
#9 - Amy (@Hope)
#11 - Elisha C.
# 7 - Barbara

EXTRA WINNER (if she'll note this):

crwread. You didn't leave an e-mail address so I have no way to contact you. However, based on the comment you left I would love to send you a copy of this book as well. If you see this, please leave a comment and/or contact me via e-mail - readingtoknow (at) gmail (dot) com

If you get back to me, you too shall have a book! And thank you for sharing your family's story.

(And as a note to everyone, e-mail addresses are so necessary and handy when it comes to contests such as this!)

Now, if your name wasn't selected, I hope you'll look into this book a little further and consider purchasing a copy for yourself. To learn a little bit more about the story, you can check out this 5 minute video which tells you a bit more about Mrs. Fast's life. I think you will be simultaneously overwhelmed and blessed by it!

If you are planning to read it and/or have already done so, I'd also recommend that you check out this talk that Mrs. Fast gave which my husband and I found to be very encouraging!

Again, I just want to note that I fell strongly enough about her story and her desire to open our eyes to the needs of the orphans all around the globe that I purchased these books for the giveaway myself. I wish I could give absolutely everyone a copy but I'll start here and see what happens. I hope you will read it. If you find her story thought provoking and if it stirs your heart a little, I'd love to hear from you!

Let's end with a song, shall we? I was recently introduced to this song and I find myself growing more fond of it by the listen.

She is Mine, by Stephanie Fast (Giveaway x 5!!)

I received a copy of She Is Mine: A War Orphan's Incredible Journey of Survival back in November but had told the author that I wouldn't be able to read it until January, due to the impending holidays. Holidays being over, I settled down Monday afternoon with this book and did not stand back up again until I had read it all the way through. I offer you this warning that once you begin the story, you will not find yourself able to set it down. Life became consumed with this book. Upon finishing it I handed it to Jonathan with the idea of him being able to read it the same day. He did!!! (It's not hard to do, I'm tellin' you!) We were both blown away by Stephanie Fast's story.

Stephanie was not her first name. She can't remember what her mother called her. There was too much trauma involved between the life she lived with her mother (prior to age 4) and the time she spent alone, abandoned. Born in South Korea, Stephanie was of mixed blood. Her father was an American serviceman who never knew of her existence. Her mother's family wanted nothing to do with an illegitimate child who was also of mixed blood.

"In Korea, having a fatherless child of mixed blood brought impurities to the ancestral bloodlines. It was culturally unacceptable - a disgrace. And children who were not given a family name literally had no birthright and lived unacknowledged. They were rejected. Worthless. Nothings." (Chapter 4, Alone, page 34)

Stephanie remembers bits and pieces from her childhood in Korea. She remembers overhearing the argument in which her mother was told by her family that she must rid herself of her daughter. She remembers being placed on a train and left to fend for herself. She remembers her journey in trying to find her mother again and all of the painful circumstances involved in the process. She recounts many horrifying stories from her childhood (which can hardly be called a "childhood") in which she simply worked hard to merely survive. Alone in the world, rejected by her family and her society she was eventually adopted into a family from the United States. This is a fact she is grateful for.

I don't want to spent much more time describing her story to you because it would take away from the effect of you reading her story for yourself. It is a powerful tale and deeply moving. Fast is now a grandmother and spends her time writing and speaking to others about the plight of the orphan. This book is dedicated to the estimated 143,000,000 orphans living in this world today. She is quick to say that although her story might be unique, it is also a general tale of woe which orphans from around the globe can identify with in some form or fashion. She and her husband now work tirelessly to make others aware of the need to care for orphans.

She writes:

"It has taken many, many years of healing, but now I know the truth of who I am. I walk with patience, doing my part to improve orphan care. Embracing life day by day, I live with the belief that great things lie ahead.
Although this written account ends when I was twelve years old, I have now come to a place in my life where I can say with all conviction: There is nothing that has happened to me that I would have been better off without." (An Open Letter From the Author)

Let me note, for reference sake, that Mrs. Fast is a Christian. Her life is defined by Christ and she makes a point of saying so. Her life could not be considered "easy" by anyone who has heard her story but her story is filled with hope for the future. I think that is most of what makes her story so compelling. You get a very clear picture in the reading of this book of what her life is like. The story will fill you with horror and dread. But on each page is the heartbeat of hope. She wishes to share that hope with others who are lonely, abandoned, and abused. After reading her story, I was left with nothing but deep respect and also excitement for the message.

Now, the first reason I was drawn to this book is, of course, because our family has adopted from South Korea twice. We therefore talk a lot about adoption in our household. We speak of it as being God's good plan for all of our lives. I am not some sad victim to be pitied because my children weren't born to me biologically and my children are not victims to be pitied because they are part of a family. We are a family, same is as if we all looked like one another. Before we adopted people who had already done so would tell me that there would come a point that I would forget these children were adopted. I confess that I questioned sometimes how this could be so. Wouldn't their faces remind me? What about their temperaments? Their personalities? Wouldn't everything suggest in some form or fashion that we weren't blood related? Ultimately, we made a conscious choice to believe that this was the right thing to do and to step out in faith, even despite some fierce winds of opposition. And you know what? Everything I was told was true! You do forget that you have "adopted children". They become a part of you and you of them, even though they might be slightly different. Family is born and we all belong to each other, wholly and completely. It is a mystery and it is a beautiful thing.

 Is adoption an easy thing to do? No. Is it a natural thing to do? I would argue, from the perspective of Christianity, that it is. It seems to go against nature but in all actuality, it doesn't. People who are uniquely different are placed together and learn to belong and take on one another's traits. You become family, much like we Christians have become a part of God's family. He is wholly other than us, holy and set-apart. And yet He has adopted us and made us part of His family with all rights and privileges thereof. We belong. We are loved.

Is this to say that sorrow and sadness are not woven in and out of the process? I would be lying if I suggested that was not the case. There have been occasional tears, both on our part and that of our children. We talk a lot about their birth mothers. We wonder where they are, what they are like, what their lives are like, and if we will ever meet them. (We will try to meet them someday.)  But at the end of these questions we always bring ourselves back to the position that God works all things together for our good and for His glory and this answer satisfies exactly as it should. That is perhaps why I feel so strongly about sharing Stephanie Fast's story with you. It is the story of pain and anguish, yes, but concludes with glorious joy. Does she still struggle from time to time with her past? Undeniably. However, she submits her pain to the Lord and that is what I hope to teach and encourage my children to do also. It is what I do for myself. It is what we Christians ought to do. He is sovereign and in His goodness, He matched people from different continents and societies and put them together to belong, to be loved, and to bring glory to His name.

Remember how I said that I used to wonder what I would think of my children when I looked into their very different faces and wonder how this whole adoption thing would work? I do stop sometimes just to look at my kids but I am not asking myself questions about whether or not a good choice was made. I am convinced all is as it should be and it is good. Rather, most often when I look at my kids I think to myself, "I see the Gospel message in their faces." Just the way that we each look as a family sends a message to others. The world would say to us sometimes, "You do not belong to each other." I would answer with a hearty, "Yes, hallelujah! We DO!" It is true that we encounter people and arguments (both inside and outside of the church) that says one ought to hesitate greatly over the matter of adoption if it is to be pursued at all. Is there corruption in the process in places? Certainly. But just because some foods have been genetically altered doesn't mean that I should stop eating. Do your homework on organizations and agencies and keep your eyes and ears open but do not ignore our call to look after orphans in their distress (James 1:27) just because it makes you uncomfortable. Lots of good things will make you uncomfortable. Lots of good things require hard work to bring about. There is glory even in this hard work.

I do feel quite strongly and passionately about Fast's story in part because it is encouragement to my soul. When I hear Christians, in particular, question adoption (international has the most suspicion attached to it) it makes my heart ache. Adoption is a glorious thing! It is a hard thing and perhaps an uncomfortable one, but a glorious thing! I cannot look to the world to find out what God has called me to. I must look to Him and to His Word and I so appreciate that Fast is here to encourage the downhearted and downtrodden - adopter and adoptee alike! She is being faithful to tell her story of hope, redemption and peace. She is enthusiastic about making a difference in this world and it is hard not to feel her enthusiasm. Indeed it is hard not to marvel at it, considering her experiences. I so admire people who have gone through hard times and stand up shouting that the Lord, He is good! Blessed indeed are the men and women who trust in Him.

If all I can do to be a part of this "orphan awareness" campaign is write this blog post, then I must write it. But I will also live it within the four walls of my own home and would love to encourage you to consider how you might also live it. Perhaps you are not called to bring an orphan into your home (although it begs the question, "Why not?") but simply to support (with prayer or finances) a well researched organization, agency or family as they do this beautiful, hard thing.

If you have made it to the end of this post then I must thank you for your time. Next I would encourage you to pick up this book, read it for yourself and see what you think.

I am delighted to say that I have FIVE copies of She Is Mine to five of you. This contest is opened to U.S. Residents only and will run through Wednesday, January 21st.

Please, please, please!!! Leave a valid e-mail address along with your comment entry.

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. THE WINNERS (as selected by Random.org) ARE:

#6 - Alicia
#18 - Annette
#9 - Amy (Hope is the Word)
#11 - Elisha C.
#7 - Barbara

I will ship your books out shortly! Thank you for caring to read this book! I can't wait to hear what you think!

I also want you to know that I care so much about this message that I arranged to purchase these giveaway copies from the author. I'm putting my money where my mouth is on this one. I love her story and I want you to read it.

You can find out more about Stephanie Fast and her ministry on her website.

Many thanks to author Stephanie Fast who sent me a copy of this book in order to facilitate this review. I have received no additional compensation and all opinions are 100% my very own.

The Quiet Little Woman, by Louisa May Alcott

To be honest with you, I didn't even look to see what the story was about when I snatched up a copy of The Quiet Little Woman at our local used bookstore. I noted three things about the book before making the purchase:

• It's a Christmas story.
• It was written by Louisa May Alcott.
• The illustrations by C. Michael Dudash are beautiful.

When I got home with the book, I curled up on the couch and read through it. This is a story that Louisa May Alcott wrote for five sisters to include in their home-produced magazine. Alcott apparently wrote many encouraging letters to these sisters and wanted to write them a story for their publication "for love, not for money."

The story itself was beyond beautiful, being about a young girl named Patty who had lived in an orphanage "ever since she could remember."

"Oh, if someone would only come and take me away! I'm so tired of living here and I don't think I can bear it much longer!"

Patty has a sad look about her and most people who would come to adopt or take away the girls from the orphanage passed over her. Patty longed for a regular home where she would be able to find and experience love. Eventually one day an older lady comes along and finds Patty sad and alone. She listens to Patty talk for a bit and arranges for her to move in with some relatives.

The home is nice enough and the family mean well. However, they treat Patty more like a servant than a member of the family and Patty still longs to feel love. Through a particular set of circumstances, they come to realize that Patty is all heart and they learn to love her in a fresh, new and exciting way. The story, as you might imagine, ends well.

I wasn't expecting an adoption story when I sat down to read this but was beyond delighted just the same. Naturally, the entire time I was reading it, this Steven Curtis Chapman Christmas adoption song was running through my head:



Both the song and the story express the very same thing.

‘Cause all I really want for Christmas
Is someone to tuck me in
Tell me I’ll never be alone
Someone whose love will never end
Of all that I could ask for
Well, there’s just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Unfortunately, the book is now out-of-print although you can still find some reasonably priced used copies through Amazon. Naturally, I recommend the read. It's a short story but impacting just the same.

1,000th Post

Yup, folks. This is my 1,000th post!

And I can't think of a better way to use this space.




Ladies and gentleman, you have an opportunity . . .

Snippets

Sometimes I just don't feel like writing up a big long review of certain books, but I would like to remember the fact that I perused or read them. Here's a list of some that I haven't mentioned in more detail:

LIKED:

Loved By Choice: True Stories That Celebrate Adoption is a much needed book. As a society, we've been inundated with negative stories about adoption and that can grow very wearisome.

The authors/editors of Loved by Choice, Susan Horner and Kelly Fordyce Martindale know the struggles adoptive parents face, as well as birth mothers, families and the media. They compiled a list of personal stories of adoption that focused on the positive instead of the negative. I picked up this book because I needed to hear someone say something good about adoption for once. And I should preface that remark by saying that we have several dear family friends who have walked the road of adoption before us. They have encouraged us, prayed for us, and stood by us when the going got tough. They remind me that certain struggles are par for the course, and that God makes families. That is true. He does. And He does so quite beautifully, if you ask me! I had concluded a conversation with one friend about the beauty that is our own adoption story and then I stumbled upon this book and allowed myself a week to just focus on this one book.

This is obviously a subject I feel that I could talk a great deal about. It is also a subject I've become quite opinionated about. It's also a subject that I cry more tears over now, than I did when we first signed up to adopt Bookworm2 about three years ago. Then again, I'm far more emotional about being pregnant with Bookworm3 than I was about being pregnant with Bookworm1. Why is that? Time. Pain. Perspective. Blessing. I see the benefits and joys of parenting Bookworm1. I see what he is becoming and what having children actually means and I am grateful. I know that bringing a child into our family is something that comes as a result of God's blessing. Being physically sick or suffering some heartache to be able to pick up a child, look into their eyes and say, "Oh, goodness. Can you possibly IMAGINE how much God loves you? Because I can't even wrap my mind around how much *I* love you!!!!" is worth everything and then some.

That, my friends, is the statement of adoption for each one of us who are Christians and who have become a child of God. We cannot even begin to imagine the depths to which He loves us because we cannot comprehend the cross. The impact on my life as a result of being a child of God is indescribable and overwhelming. I am His and He is mine. That is what this book is about. Children becoming family. Family becoming.

Highly recommended.

DID NOT LIKE:

The Eyre Affair: A Thursday Next Novel. I confess, I didn't even finish it. For one thing, it was kind of science fiction-y and, as I've mentioned before, I'm not a truly big fan of that genre. It just stretches my imagination beyond capacity. (Unless, of course, we're talking about Star Trek and then Live Long and Prosper and all that! I'll watch it but I'm not interested in reading it.)

Secondly, I was greeted with a lot of curse words within the first chapter and then main family unit seems to be broken in some strangely mysterious way that just made me, well, not very impressed. I had a hard time getting into it and so I just decided not to spend anymore time on it.

This is one of those times I'm glad I didn't actually pay money for the book. I still think the premise is intriguing but the time travel issues involved in this book was questionable at best and I didn't like how time travel was used to manipulate people. Or, at least, that seemed to be the way the book was going and it made me uncomfortable.

I definitely felt like I should mention that I ended up not liking this book, as I mentioned it and hosted a giveaway with the title. That makes for two books I've mentioned without reading around here in conjunction with a giveaway that I ended up not liking! Lesson learned. Back to my original statements to publishers that I won't post information about a book that I haven't read for myself first! If you see it on this site, it means I've read it and, at the very least, I didn't hate it. (And then again, sometimes I mention them even if I did despise them.) Anyway, we won't be having any of that anymore!

Adoption

Three minutes of your time, please. This video utterly breaks my heart. Of course, part of me thinks that if governments didn't try to make adoption so very difficult, this wouldn't be as big of a problem as it is! I personally know of people who would adopt but find the cost prohibitive. Anyway, we could argue in circles. Take a moment and watch the video if you would:



Videos like these will, I hope, cause you think about sponsoring a child through Compassion International. Think of it this way: even if you do not find yourself in a position to adopt a child yourself, you can give around $30 a month to a family so that they can afford to keep their children. We sponsor a child and that is exactly how I look at it - I'm providing a way for a family to stay together. As one of the mothers in this video said - she would LOVE to keep her child but can't afford it. Compassion International makes a way.

And our own home front - we are looking forward to bringing home our new son in about six weeks! We are beside ourselves with excitement and can't wait to start sharing lives with this new little blessing. Stay tuned!

Regardless of where you are at on the issue of adoption, the least you can do is pray for the children who are in need and want of homes.

Read Aloud Thursday - Adoption Picture Books

Well, after having revisited the topic of adoption and suffering no ill consequences, I'm feeling a little braver. (Thanks for showing as much support as you did! That was enormously helpful and comforting and encouraging!)

I thought I'd share a few of the books that we have read around our house discussing the topic and/or concept of bringing a sibling home via an adoption. (Right now our son thinks babies come on airplanes! Ha! We will live in this state of mind for awhile yet, me thinks!)

The first book I found ("on my own") and read about adoption (before ever committing to one ourselves) was I Love You Like Crazy Cakes. This is the story of a mom who goes and picks up her new daughter in China. The story is told by the mother who talks about how excited she was to bring a daughter home to love. She talks about the anticipation, the joy and the affection which is wrapped up in it. Of course, the theme saying of the book is, "I love you like crazy cakes!" The positive aspect of this book is that a.) it deals with the topic of adoption b.) in a way that shows great amounts of love for the child. It's a cute saying that helps make this particular book endearing.


The first book about adoption that I was aware of was Shaoey and Dot: Bug Meets Bundle (Shaoey & Dot) which was written by Steven Curtis & Mary Beth Chapman. As many of you are aware, Christian singer and songwriter, SCC, and his wife adopted three girls from China. The first girl they brought home to love they named Shoahannah. They then started a foundation called Shoahannah's Hope which offers aid to families pursuing adoption. A remarkable ministry from a remarkable family -- of COURSE I was curious about the picture book! This particular story is about a lady bug who finds a bunch of babies and decides to be friendly with one little baby girl in particular. The story is set in China which is no surprise to those who know the Chapman's. This is a cute story. My son really likes the lady bug theme of the book, for what it's worth! (Missing the point a little? Maybe.)

The third book I present to you is one I just recently discovered. Published by Concordia Publishers, it is called Adopted and Loved Forever. This story is told from the perspective of the older child who was brought into a family via adoption. It's an affirmative and affirming statement to her parents that she knows she is loved and cared for. The book is earmarked for ages 4-7 and is designed to help children understand why and how they were adopted and why adoption is forever, no matter what happens. There is a thankfulness and gratefulness expressed in this story which I particularly like. The book shouts, "YES, we LOVE you and we ALWAYS WILL!" No matter what.


Lastly, one of our favorites is one that we don't even read the actual words to. (This book is definitely above our reading/comprehension level.) I adapt Jin Woo, renaming the characters to match our own family, and describing how "brother" will come and be a part of our family through the use of illustrator Chris Soentpiet's art work. In this story we meet a family of three - Daddy, Mommy and a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes who also happens to be named "Bookworm1" (oddly enough!). Bookworm 1 is going to have a brother and the whole family is excited about it! On and on the story goes and it is remarkable how closely this book matches our own family situation. A friend tipped me off to Jin Woo and I owe her a note of thanks. This brought the concept to life for Bookworm1 and so I'm particularly fond of this particular adaptation of our own story. ha!

I know there are other picture books out there but it's kind of hard to find really good ones. If you know of any particular titles for children that are positive in nature, I'd love to hear about them. In the meantime, these are the ones I can recommend to enjoy.

Happy Read Aloud Thursday to you!

Adopted for Life

I was really excited to see the new release from Crossway Books on adoption. Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches is one of the most hard-hitting, in-your-face and you-have-no-more-excuses book that I have read about adoption (from a Christian perspective) that I have seen yet. We've read a lot of books on adoption around here because we're in the middle of persuing one. I've talked about it a little on this blog before, but received so much negative attention about it, that I pulled the plug on further discussion. Given the fact that we're still in the middle of our adoption, I really am not keen on posting even this much! Except for the fact that we ARE in the middle of an adoption and it IS a topic that needs some positive attention.

What I most like about Moore's book is that he is no holds barred, PRO-adoption. He pounds out a solid argument as to why adoption is a good thing for society, for families and for individuals. Having adopted two children himself, and not noting any differences between the "adopted children" and the "biological children" (and nitpicking on people who establish any need for such a distinction) - Moore knows what he's talking about. He's been through the gamut of emotions that pursuing an adoption can bring you. He's faced the doubts, the fears and the uncertainties. Still, he pursued the children whom he loves because he knew it was right.

I could share a great deal on this topic, considering the subject matter and what we've been through personally. But what we have also discovered is that sharing too much can be imprudent. So I will refrain.

Perhaps I will revisit the subject at some point in the future. I can't say for sure. I can say that Moore's enthusiasm and strong belief is inspirational and helpful and he is both calming and problem solving at the same time. This book is good food for thought to anyone who is considering an adoption or to anyone who knows someone who is considering adoption. As he states several times over the course of this book - he has no idea who is picking up the book. He has no idea what the reader's background is or what is the color of their skin. He only knows his reader is human. That's as much as he can know. Therefore he's not really speaking to any particular group of people. He is speaking publically to all. I appreciated that approach very much as I think it lends frank honesty to his message.

Definitely a book that needed to be written and needs to be read. I would like to say that there are parts of the book that I don't agree with all the way and I'm not going to define which is which for you now. I just think this is a necessary and frank message that is good to have delivered as I think it is helpful as you process and think through what adoption means and how it works.

I'm grateful that Crossway picked up the title and is promoting it. Adopted for Life no doubt adds more fuel to the emotional fire but if it causes people to think more deeply about their actions, then one really is not left with a lot of room to complain, are they? (But still, they will . . .)


******************

If you disagree with the concept of adoption in any form, I would ask that, as a courtesy, you simply refrain from leaving comments. If the discussion in the comment secion becomes too negative, I will delete all inflamatory remarks. This is my family's life and my personal space on the internet. No doubt you have your own. I firmly request respect.

I Wish For You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children

This book was on my wish list of books to read. A dear friend of mine sent me this book as a birthday present. It made me cry, which perhaps wouldn't always make the best kind of birthday gift. But in this case - it did! (Thanks, J!)

This book is published by Yeong and Yeong, whom I only recently discovered. They have published a variety of books on adoption for both parents and children. All of their books look fabulous but this was the one I wanted to read the most.

As some of you are aware, we are on our own adoption journey and I was excited about the concept of getting to hear directly from the birth mothers themselves. That's a treat I never would have imagined. This book is a collection of letters which the birth mothers have written to their children (as the title does suggest). It was educational and enlightening.

The most eye-opening thing for me, personally, was in hearing "directly from" the mothers as to why they chose to place their babies up for international adoption as opposed to a domestic adoption in Korea. I've heard the rhetoric about Korean culture and customs from various resources but not, of course, from the mother. In a particular letter, one mother explains why she choose international adoption for her child (please take note that the mothers can choose whether they prefer a domestic or international adoption):

"My baby, when you grow up you may ask why your mother gave you up for adoption abroad. You may think that if you had grown up in Korea and had been adopted by a Korean family, you would not have gone through so much hardship. However, when I was faced with the decision of giving you up for adoption I believed that you would be better off in a country where you would be given an equal chance.

The reason I did not give you up for domestic adoption was that children adopted in Korea, even if they are not born out of wedlock, are discriminated against and looked down upon. Even if your adoptive parents tried to keep the fact of your adoption a secret, eventually it would be revealed. When I considered how you would be shocked when you found out too late that you had been adopted, I had to decide that it would be best for you to be adopted abroad." (pages 44,45)

It is not easy to give up a child, period. It certainly cannot be easy to send them away to a foreign country. Another reason for choosing an international adoption, by the way, is also because in Korea all domestic adoptions are closed. That means that once the mother has relinquished her parenting rights, she would never hear from or of the child again. International adoptions are becoming more open (as I can personally testify having gone over paperwork and interviews) so a mother giving up her child to a foreign family has a chance in being able to remain in or reestablish contact with her child in the future. It's a hopeful move on several fronts. It's a move of trust and of great love, devotion and sacrifice.

One other thing that impressed me with this book is that the mothers are very harsh with themselves. They either beg for forgiveness or think themselves unworthy of it. They hope and pray their children will forgive them. It reminds me of how much I personally have been forgiven as a child of God -- and how important it is to raise all my children according to Jesus' principles of forgiveness. To love as God loves is our greatest challenge no matter what choice or situation we find ourselves in.

In becoming adopted children of God we are forgiven much. In choosing to pursue an earthly adoption, we must forgive and love. The birth mother must accept forgiveness and re-learn what it means to love. The child must grow in love and ultimately forgive. It is a whole and perfect agony and yet beautiful beyond description.

This book is an excellent resource for anyone even thinking about the topic of adoption - pro or con. It's a "fly on the wall" approach to what the birth mother is feeling and thinking. It is a book about respect and forgiveness and I cannot recommend it more highly. It will move you. It will break your heart. And that's exactly the position God wants me to be in right now.