Closer Than a Sister, by Christina Fox

I seem to be on a major non-fiction kick these days. I've been doing quite a bit of thinking and processing lately as to what God might be asking of me in life. And honestly I hesitate even to confess this because it inevitably results in someone, (who thinks they know me), coming up to me while gleefully clapping their hands and taking the opportunity to tell me how they are "so happy" that God is changing me in some manner which they are a.) assuming and b.) feeling that I ought to change. Truly, I am always delighted to talk about the way that God is at work in my life and the life of my family but I do quickly become disgruntled in the conversation when a person hearing my story assumes that now I'll become the person they've always hoped I would be so as to suit them better. And I don't believe that's how God works. I think He delights in progress and delights when we delight in the process. Furthermore, I also think He delights in the fact that He has made such a splendid variety of people to live in fellowship with one another and to worship Him in unity. He doesn't expect us to all be the same. We expect it of each other but He has no intention of us looking anything alike. The beauty is in the differences and, really, that's what I'm taking note of more and more frequently.

Enter: Closer Than a Sister.

One of the great challenges of life is in fellowshipping with other believers. Can I get an 'amen'?! There are a wide variety of reasons for this, of course, and we could speculate as to what causes the greatest barrier to real relationships. The simple answer is that sin is the culprit but how that sin manifests itself varies by person and by congregations. I can know in my head that I'm designed to know and love my fellow Christian sisters but living out that love feels like a complete impossibility more often than not. The older I get and the more disagreements I "suffer" my way through, the more I find myself valuing true fellowship. But true fellowship isn't what I thought it had to be either. In fact, it's pretty much the total opposite of what I hoped it was. True fellowship isn't always being "like-minded" with those I worship alongside but it is being challenged by the differences and learning to extend both love and grace despite of that. Together we make up the Body of Christ. Alone we are arguably not a part of the Body at all. I don't know about you but when my time comes to meet the Lord face-to-face, I want to hear "well done" and I do strongly believe that that means being a part of The Body, or, The Bride of Christ. If He cares much about His bride than we probably should also. All difficulties aside, we really ought to strive to work and live together instead of apart.

The question is how to get along. Fun question, indeed.

My bloggy friend Melissa listed Closer Than a Sister as one of her upcoming reads for 2018 and seeing as how I've also been rethinking what it means to be a part of the church (local) and the Body (universal) I thought this title worth a read. And it is! In Closer Than a Sister, Christina Fox takes a pretty close look at what scriptures have to say about what the church local is called to be to one another. She touches on all topics such as rejoicing with one another, grieving with one another, exhorting, growing, learning, sharing and helping. She also talks a great deal about the challenges we face within our local community of believers. I might have found that section the most poignant for myself, personally.

Fox takes a truly Biblical approach to the topic and is constantly taking the reader to scriptures in order to understand what our calling is in Christ towards our sisters within the church. This is a role which modern believers seem to approach rather casually and even callously. Again, the reasons for this are many and she lists a big obvious such as the role of social media (i.e., Facebook, Instagram, etc.) in our modern lives. Fox goes back to the basics (Genesis!) in discussing how we were made for community with one another. One of my favorite verses which she focuses on right from the get-go is 1 Peter 2:9-10 which I will type up for you here:

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy but now you have received mercy."

Fox asks her readers to focus on the words in this verse which declare us having standing before the Lord not as individuals, (although that does exist too, obviously), but as a people designed to live and work together. Note the words race, priesthood, people. We've been called out to be together. We're designed for community. Not that that is always a fun thing, mind you, but it is the thing to be, like it or no.

So if we're called to live together then how do we do that when this sister over here works outside the home, and that one is sarcastic to beat the band, and that one is a perfectionists, and that one is controlling, and that one can't stand conflict of any sort, etc., etc.? There are lots of reasons why we shouldn't get along. But God. Incredibly, He makes us TO get along. It really doesn't make any sense sometimes, does it? Hey, I agree, it's bizarre! But we're called to it. And if God calls and bids you 'come and die' then you better get your last Will and Testament written and done with because He has a reason to call you out and use you in ways which you probably cannot even begin to fathom. He's good for that.

I'm here to say I struggle with this myself. I needed to read this book because I need my own understanding of how God uses people to stretch, challenge, and strengthen His church. In the past few weeks I've been challenged to lay aside prideful thoughts and feelings which operate more as a barrier to fellowship than a boon. It's hard! There are some people that I just flat out don't like and some people out there in this world who flat out don't like me! (It's true, if you can believe it!) Again, this is not an excuse so much as it is a challenge. If God called us to be united in Him, then we'd better work hard to figure out how to be united. How that looks will also vary from friendship to friendship and church to church. But the hard work must still be done.

What I've been learning is that the very people who I thought I didn't "mix well" with are the very people from whom I have already received some of the greatest blessings. I've been discovering that God has been "setting me up" to fail at my own expectations so that He can broaden my horizons and give me a new set of expectations. Godly ones. Lately everything I thought I knew to be true has proved false and everything I've doubted has proved a huge blessing. What I thought Christian fellowship needed to be has been turned on its head. I would argue it's being turned into a position where my relationships are facing THE Head of the Church (which is Christ) and that's what should have been happening all along. Is it pleasant? Not always, no. Does it feel nice in the end? Ohhhh my word! The freedom and the peace which comes when you deign to listen to God's plan instead of  your own are immeasurable.

I want to be honest about my own struggles because I think that honesty is more healing than not. Will some people misinterpret my words and my expressions? Yes, undoubtedly. And that'll have to be their problem which I won't be at liberty to fix. But I do trust what Fox also affirms: that after the struggles on earth we will find ourselves truly One with the Lord in Heaven. One day we will be united in spirit and in truth. Even if we do not experience this in our lifetime, the time is coming. That will be a glorious thing.

Would I recommend Closer Than A Sister? I think it's a good challenging read for pretty much every woman I know. Regular readers know that I don't normally go the devotional book route but at the conclusion of each chapter Fox includes 3-4 questions for the reader to consider. This probably goes down in history as my first book where I'd say the questions are thoughtful and poignant and worth spending a little extra time considering. All in all, I think this book is top notch and I'd happily recommend it.

Missional Motherhood, by Gloria Furman

I feel like I should have wildly excited things to say about Gloria Furman's newest title, Missional Motherhood. Certainly it was a great book, full of encouraging remarks about how we as mothers ought to think of ourselves. I have zero complaints about it and can do more than just recommend it -- I purchased copies to give to friends of mine that I thought would connect with it as well. When it comes to writing up a review of it though, all of my thoughts are falling flat. I've been debating why that is and one reason stands out above the rest and I'll get to that in a moment. First though, let me tell you about the book itself.

Missional Motherhood is a unique title in the world of books on motherhood in that it addresses all women everywhere as "nurturers" who are created to "mother" natural born/these-are-the-children-in-your-neighborhood kids. Furman doesn't limit the term "mother" to someone who bore a child in her womb, gave birth to it, and who now oversees that children's day-to-day living experiences. Rather, she calls on women to rise up and nurture all those around them in the love that Christ has given to us as sinners  whatever their standing or season or life.

Furman, I didn't realize, is a missionary, serving overseas with her husband and children. While the obvious audience for this book is the American woman, the reader is quick to see that Furman has a more global outlook on life. She sees women as being called to serve others in any variety of endeavors, situations and locations, and focuses in on the idea of loving your neighbor as you love yourself. For some people our "neighbors" are those aforementioned natural born children. Other neighbors might include girls in the church youth group in need of discipleship, fellow MOPS moms, babies in the nursery, children in an orphanage in another country, and/or virtually anyone that a woman has been placed in front of and asked to serve in some capacity. She wants her female readership to focus on their God-given role to nurture and build up and do those very things for the glory of the Lord. To make her argument, Mrs. Furman begins by spending the first half of the book taking her reader on an overview of the Old Testament and concludes with Christ's death on the cross. The idea is to cause her reader to see just how much they have been given so that they understand what all they have to give. It's a good message and Furman has a writing style I engaged with well. I had zero objections to what she had to say, liked her globally minded mission (my children weren't all born in the U.S. of A.!), and generally found this book appealing. As I say, I gifted it to others so clearly I don't have any major objections to it.

However, I have to say that while I was reading this title I thought a lot about why I was reading it. My chief reason was that I am a mother and I felt it was time to pick up a book on mothering to learn more about my role and how to improve in it. It's always great to be encouraged in my job by a book and so, of course, I was looking for a "pick me up" as well. I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with that except that it just made the book feel sort of "forced" if you know what I mean. I wasn't able to value it as much as I could have because I felt almost guilted, thinking that's "what I ought to be reading." In certain ways this was a "want to" read but in other ways I felt like it was the thing I should be doing as a mature, responsible mother. It was like it seemed time to box myself about the ears, so to speak, and figure out how to do this job of mine better. The joy of the reading journey was sort of lost on me and I thought that was a pity even while I was engaged with Furman's book. I can in every way acknowledge Missional Motherhood to be a worthy read. At the same time, my heart wasn't in it and I had the sobering realization that to be a good mom I didn't need to be spending my immediate time reading a book to tell me how to do better. What I really needed to be ok doing was relaxing with a book that  I found purely enjoying and entertaining for enjoyment sake. If a work of fiction fit that bill, I didn't need to bemoan my immature tastes, but just relax and enjoy a good story for the sake of story alone.

I realized something that I think is important: while picking up instructional books which explain life and roles and duties is an important thing to do from time to time, sometimes the best thing one can do is to mentally relax with a fun story. No guilt. No strings attached. Just enjoyment. Sometimes the best thing that I can do to be a better mom is to have fun in my "downtime" so that I'm more relaxed and at peace when I need to be "on."

My personality is pretty intense (as I've said before) and relaxing is not something that comes very naturally to me. Even my "relaxed" reading tends to have a purpose around it which is fine. I can't very well turn my brain off and I wouldn't want to do that. But a thought process that I wrestled with when reading Missional Motherhood was that I'd be a better mother if I didn't feel like reading the book was on my "to do" list, know what I mean? Sure, sometimes I'm going to find an instructional book all kinds of happy but when life is tense and stressful in its own right, I began to see that my reading choices didn't need to be all mentally/spiritually stimulating as well. (Note again: Furman is an excellent writer and she is not writing to guilt!) All I'm saying is that I realized there is value in relaxing and I shouldn't read a book because I feel pressured to learn more about this, that or the other. Rather, I should read a book because I find the book a joy to read. Reading is a joy and a pleasure and to take away from that not only hurts the reader but also the writer who so wants to make a positive connection with their audience.

I really did appreciate Furman. Really. But in this moment of life, reading for the mere fun of it is ok too. In fact, I think it's more than ok. I think it's mentally healthy. Maybe other people won't think my reading choices "mature" but if I can close a book with a sigh and a smile and feel relaxed and ready to tackle the next round of things on my To Do list then I think my reading time was well-spent and plenty productive.

That's all I really want to say. This was a great book. But if I had never read it and read a work of fiction in its place, for the strict purpose of having fun, then that would be ok too. For some of you I imagine that this sounds like common sense but for my sometimes over active and analytical mind, it was something of a break through.

Keep it Shut, by Karen Ehman

Keep it Shut, by Karen Ehman probably played a large role in my taking a few months off from blogging. Not only were we at the end stages and culmination of an adoption but there was just a lot going on in life at the time and the need to keep one's mouth shut was - is - pivotal. It was a good time in life to brush up on the type of speech (or silence!) that the Bible required of me.

Now, I'm a pretty private person by nature. By that I mean, I have to really know and trust a person very. well. before I'll start sharing about certain aspects of my life. I also am an extremely loyal person and prize loyalty in others. When I trust someone with my family, I very well expect them to protect me and mine and, likewise, I'll do my utmost to protect them as well. This doesn't mean that it's always easy to keep a secret. Sometimes its very much not, but it's something that I care very much about trying to do.

Now, I'm also a very "blunt" and "forthright" person by nature. These are some words which other people have used to describe me: intense, forthright, straight forward, opinionated, etc., etc. (I trust you've got the picture!) I've heard some of these things enough times to know that I still have work to do when it comes to the subtitle of this book which is, "What to Say, How to Say It, and When To Say Nothing at All." Aha. Now we're talkin'! (Or aren't we?) Let me be dead straight with you and say that I'm not here to write a post telling you about all of the words that I've strung together incorrectly in my past. While I certainly do have experience in communicating poorly with others, I also have a blessed list of times and experience where the right words were used at the right time. I'm not here to debate how any particular person feels about me or even how I feel about myself. I'm just laying out the facts about my personality which are known and acknowledging that I understand that I have more things to learn.  I expect that I'll go on learning them my whole life, Lord willing (and it would appear that He is). I can very well acknowledge mistakes but I also feel very secure in the knowledge that God gave me the personality that He did for a right good reason and I cannot apologize for that anymore than I'd ask another person to apologize for their personality. We each of us have strengths and weaknesses. If I were to venture a guess, we each have strengths and weaknesses when it comes to our tongues, both when and how we use them (and if our brain is connected to the process when we do!). Because I understand there is always room to mature and grow in the area of right speech and Christianity, I'm always on the lookout for titles which address the subject.

Keep it Shut is not just a good read for that friend or relative you know that you wish had better communication skills. (They probably think that you need some help in this department as well. And let's be honest - you do. I do too.) This is a good book for all women to read. Why? Because we're alive. Because we speak out loud on a daily basis and with great regularity. Because we type e-mails and answer phone calls, raise children, and make eye contact with the checker at the supermarket. Unless you exist in some sort of abnormal solitary confinement then you probably have need of this book.

This is my first foray into the world of Karen Ehman and I really had no idea what to expect. I quickly discovered that she's a very chatty writer. She opens by describing herself, much like I did above. In fact, we are pretty similar in personality (I think). She introduced herself and then "talked" at me in a way that suggested to me that she is very comfortable conversing with others. She enjoys a laugh and loves to tell stories (which is great because I love stories) which all work to keep this book friendly in nature. It is chalk full of scripture which she provides alongside practical application in an easy-to-swallow manner. Chiefly, she offers scripture and advice for how the reader can learn to be more Christ like in their communications with others. There is really nothing to complain about with this title, so long as you like her writing voice. I didn't mind it and so I enjoyed the read in so much as it was an encouragement and reminder to order my speech aright.

Life is a sensitive business at times and we do not really live in a society that values privacy and/or respect of others. Giving someone the gift of safety in your speech is a huge, huge thing not to be discounted or dismissed. Speaking truth in love is becoming a lost art it seems, but being a person who wants to do that well is a sign of both salvation and grace. I don't know where you are in life right now but so long as you are alive and talking I think Keep it Shut is a title worth considering. Ehman knows the struggle of the wild tongue and is actively seeking to control hers for the glory of God. That's all that I could ask from anyone. I appreciated her encouragement, advice and admonition, as this is a subject that I seem to be focused on with great regularity.

I don't really have any highlights from the book to offer, in part because of Ehman's chatty nature. There weren't any stand out passages, just general encouragement to stay the course and submit your speech to God. This is a message that I think we would do well to take heed of and give some thoughtful consideration.

Note: This book was not received for review from the publisher. I invested my own money into this read because, as mentioned above, I'm always looking for titles on this subject which do their best to instruct women in the beauty of Biblical speech. Another title I really loved was A Way With Words, by Christin Ditchfield. That title is linked to my 2010 review if you'd like an overview.

The Accidental Feminist, by Courtney Reissig :: Part 2

Yesterday I introduced The Accidental Feminist by telling you first what my take on feminism is. I felt like my position needed its own explanation in light of current controversy - I speak to Christian women when I say that - about what it means to be a feminist. As I mentioned yesterday, more and more I'm hearing Christian women rise up and declare themselves to be feminists and this has captured my attention and therefore demands a little bit more thought than what I've given to the position in the past.

To the book, shall we?!

It's probably not going to come across as very surprising to anyone that Reissing takes a "conservative" position on the topic. She considers herself a complimentarian and defines it in the following terms:

"Women like me call ourselves complimentarians, believing that God created men and women equal, yet different. And our differences are designed to complement one another." (Chapter 1, What It Means to Be a Woman (and Not a Man), page 29)

This is the position which I also take. You might consider that this book was preaching to the choir and, in a manner of speaking, it surely was. However, the more I come up against this issue of what it means to be a woman the more I realize I need to shape my thoughts and prepare to give answers for the things I believe and, to that end, reading this book was very helpful.

Reissig begins her book by defining her position and also explaining the position of egalitarians and what the driving motives were behind creating the feminist movement in the first place. Her explanations are brief and simple but give the reader the lay of the land. Her main motivation in writing The Accidental Feminist is to address women and to deliver the following message:

"The fact that you were created as a woman has meaning." (Chapter 1, What It Means to Be a Woman (and Not a Man), page 32)

"Our gender (male or female) reflects His glory. it matters that you are made female. Our humanity reflects God's glory. When we distort that and act like we are autonomous creatures, we diminish His glory. He's God! And He has all authority over our lives." (Chapter 1, What It Means to Be a Woman (and Not a Man), page 33)

You may correctly assume that I agree with her message but never before have I seen it written out so succinctly and in an easy-to-comprehend manner. Reissing takes us to scripture time and time again throughout the course of this book to explain why it is she believes what she believes and to make a case for her reader to follow suit. This was precisely what she needed to do for her message to carry any weight because a person's personal opinion is not an establishment of truth. It's just an opinion. We are to define ourselves according to the Word of God and by no other source. If you are a Christian, you simply must do this. You are without excuse not to do this.

Contrary to what many "modern Christian woman" would say of the arguments made in this book, Reissig is not a mealy mouthed female (she wrote a book as proof against that!) who is quiet of speech and thought and word and deed. She describes herself as rather a fiery, strong-willed female. She attended seminary (although she had no intention of pursuing a pulpit; she just has a great interest in theology) and struggled over becoming a housewife and stay-at-home mom (despite believing that was what she was called to do). She acknowledges that she is writing to herself just as much as anyone else.

God's design for woman, argues Reissig, is that we are called to be life givers. She points back to Genesis 3:20 wherein Adam named the woman Eve, the mother of all living, a "life-giver." Eve's job as a woman (and ours) is to both be a help-meet and to nurture life. Now how this looks varies from woman to woman, a fact which Reissig is quick to acknowledge throughout the book. Her husband is a pastor and the ways in which she helps him and nurtures life in her family's home is going to look vastly different from the way I provide help to my computer engineer husband and nurture life in our home. Something I very much appreciated about this book is that in addressing our variety of life circumstances, she also encourages single women and married women without children as to how they too can fulfill their design as a life-giver and help to the Body of Christ. (And no. She is not suggesting that they submit themselves to any man for the sake of submitting to a man. A wife is to be a wife to one man and one man only. It's not a "one woman submits to every man" type of thing.) Common sense says we're not all going to be the same, act the same, or look the same. We have different circumstances, gifts and talents. Each man and woman has a different personality and what one man might need in a helper would frustrate another man. We look different in our roles, yes, but the nature of our design is the same. And this is her main point which she goes back to again and again throughout the book.

"Your gender is not some arbitrary construct of your upbringing, culture, or even your own desires. It is a part of who you are. You might not be married, but you were created to be a helper and life-giver by the sheer fact that God created you as a female.

. . .

The very fact that you were created in God's image has implications for how you live the rest of your life." (Chapter 1, What It Means to Be a Woman (and Not a Man), page 43)

Now, women today tend to hear statements like the one above and sneers begin instantly to appear on faces. Is Reissig (or am I) saying that women are less than men? No, absolutely not. (If you answered "yes" to my question then you've got some fantastic word twisting exercise going on!) Women are just as gifted and talented as men are in many ways. She didn't think she was less smart than her husband because he finished seminary and she didn't. Maybe she's more smart. A woman engineer can be smarter than a male engineer and if they both held the same job then Reissig would argue for equal pay, just as common sense would dictate. In so much as feminism has accomplished that much, no problem. But there's an attitude expressed in feminism that says, "I am not here to serve anyone" and that is an attitude which directly contradicts and does not mind the scriptures.

"Don't believe the culture's lie that says you are the most important being in your universe. Christ came to serve, not to be served (Matthew 20:28). We do likewise. The call to follow Christ is a call to decrease in our own quest for self-glory and to gladly accept His increasing glory in our lives. This means we must daily die to ourselves, rather than daily look for a way to escape the chaos of our own lives. We are doing important things in our homes every day. They might seem mundane and meaningless, but they serve an eternal purpose." (Chapter 2, What Women Want, by 65)

Neither Reissig nor scriptures would argue that women must remain uneducated beings, instructed only by men and "kept down" to clean house all day. Neither Reissig nor scriptures are asking women to roll over and die as personality-less beings. But! The scriptures do call all people to die to self and serve others. Women have been uniquely called and created to nurture life and we shouldn't attempt to escape our very nature. As Reissig argues, men are created in unique ways to showcase the glory of God and women are created to showcase God's glory as well . . .  but in different ways from men. Being a help-meet might very well mean working outside the home (although I would personally take issue with that if someone is just doing that because they can't stand home and I do believe Reissig would also). Being a help-meet might mean managing the finances or tending the yard or any number of culturally perceived "masculine" jobs (whatever those might be). Some men and dads are soldiers and go to war and then women are called upon to manage the home front and fulfill all sorts of roles and responsibilities. These scenarios exist, certainly, although they are not ideal. Speaking to Christians, our desire as women should be to be of help, be of service, and to nurture the life in the home. You might say that we are the heartbeat of the household. We are created and designed with this life-giving job in mind.

Now many women will balk and disagree with everything typed thus far (both in the book and this blog post). Reissig says this, which I think is entirely to the point:

"God does not command things that are easy. If He did, then anyone could master His commands and we wouldn't need Him." (Chapter 3, Do We Have to Talk About Submission?, page 86)

Is it easy to be a female? (I rather suspect its no easier than to be male but for the sake of argument here, let's just say that it's not easy to be female.) It's hard to want to nurture life sometimes when the people you have been given are slowly driving you crazy. I get it. There are days when it seems far easier to trek off and do my own thing than to stay at home and raise children and make one more meal. I have opinions! I have thoughts in my head that want out! I have convictions that I share more easily than some males do! It can be tricky hard to obey the Lord sometimes and the comfort is sometimes only in the knowledge that if I "do life" His way, He will receive glory and I will receive joy. I believe that to be the truth.

"When Adam saw Eve for the first time, He didn't praise God for giving him a servant to meet his every need. He praised God for giving him an equal from his very flesh. He was delighted with her. Proverbs 31:11 shows us that a godly woman's husband trusts her. She is a beloved help to him. How can a husband trust and, for that matter, delight in a doormat? How can a husband trust a wife if she does not willingly share her thoughts, dreams, and opinions with him?" (Chapter 3, Do We Have to Talk About Submission?, page 80)

If you know me in real life you know that my convictions run deep. I really struggle with the notion that a great many men - even in the church - seem to lack intelligence and frequently lack backbone. (There's some uber honesty for you.) I am also a quiet introvert but there is a feisty streak in me that comes out like the blazes from time to time. My husband sometimes groans about this but he always makes sure to tell me, "I would rather know what your real, honest thoughts are than not." A man who is fulfilling his design as God intended is not afraid of women and makes no attempt to squash. Rather, he recognizes that God has given the woman as a strong and steady help-meet who is intended to bless and not curse. Women's passions and convictions do matter and have a place in the home (and the world at large). Neither I, nor Reissing, nor any complementarian would argue that women need to sit down and shut up. (Reissig would have lost the right to say so when her book was published.) Rather the idea is to remember that there is a "place" for women and a role for them to fulfill that reflects the glory of God. This role was not given to men and cannot be fulfilled by men. It is special and unique to women and this is something that we should keep in mind as we go forth to "do good works" in the name of Christ. I'm not here to put on a show as a woman, trying to prove that I am something I was not created to be. Rather, I take joy in being created female, knowing that God has a particular purpose in mind for me as a female, and that I should seek to fulfill that role gladly. Reading The Accidental Feminist was an encouragement to that end.

I happily and highly recommend this read.

Many thanks to Crossway Books for sending a copy of this book my direction in order to facilitate this review. I received no additional compensation and all the above opinions expressed are my own.

The Accidental Feminist, by Courtney Reissing : Part I

When I saw the title The Accidental Feminist: Restoring Our Delight in God's Good Design I knew I had to read the book. Now, how to write about it is the question.

Each time I've mentioned that I'm reading this book, eyebrows go up. People tense up. What on earth is the book going to say? The world "feminist" is not a neutral word; it produces internal responses which causes people to visibly react. I would venture to say that it is not a "calm" topic. This is a book that is going to ruffle feathers no matter which way you look at it. Of course, books like these tend to make some of the most interesting reads if you feel like diving on in.

Before I launch into telling you about The Accidental Feminist and what I thought about it though I'm going to tell you why I was interested in reading it in the first place. Because I tend to be long-winded (heh), I'm going to break up my "review" of this book into two parts. First I have to introduce myself on this topic before I can talk about the book.

In the social circles which I was raised, "feminist" was a bad word. It was a label for a woman who was not content to stay at home and who wasn't interested in allowing other women to choose home for themselves. It represented a "rabid female", eager to declare herself better than a man. Truthfully, I've always found the title of "feminist" rather ridiculous. It's a label which I've observed prevents freedom of speech and freedom of expression and quite usually shuts down conversation. I believe that they are striving for the opposite effect but the "bully/badger" approach just tends to shut down conversation instead of open it up. Feminists all seemed to possess a certain attitude of pride which made their message hard for me to hear. Frequently I would also hear strains of bitterness in their message which I found wholly unattractive. While I might agree that some of the things that feminist have striven for over the years is helpful (e.g., equal pay), the manner in which they typically choose to communicate is something I personally find to be distasteful.

I've never had the belief that I couldn't do anything I wanted to do. Even as a child I believed the world to be my oyster. My parents never left me with the impression that I lacked choice. I've always been at liberty to choose for myself the profession I wished. I chose the home front early on and I choose it still. I would rather be at home, nurturing a family (i.e., being a mom) than anything else I can dream up. I'm completely satisfied with this. So, as I say, growing up I just tended to ignore the arguments.

It wasn't until I became a mom that I really paid any attention to the feminist mindset at all. The only reason I began taking note was because when people would ask me what I did for a living, I'd get despairing looks that said to me, "Can't you think of ANYthing more glamorous than that!?" The answer is always, "Yes, I can think of a lot of things more glamorous than being a mom. But none so important."

Here is where you need to know a few specific things about me:

1. I am filled with self-confidence and seldom (if ever) second guess my role in this world. I'm the type that tends to know what I want in life and have no troubles pursuing whatever it is.

2. Typically I don't care much when someone disagrees with me. That's their problem and only sometimes mine. I'm not the type that tends to bow to social pressures.

3. I care more about doing the right thing - whatever that is - than I do about making people happy. I understand that I will sometimes make people angry with me and I accept that. Read carefully: "doing the right thing" is NOT always easy or fun. I would never make such a claim. What I said was that I'm capable of doing right even when it hurts.

A few years have gone by since I became a mother and recently I've noticed that several people in my Christian social circle have begun making a bigger deal about the rights and roles of women. There has been a lot of drum beating going on specifically as relates to the idea that females should not be limited by the expectations of others. "Don't put me in a box" is something that I'm beginning to hear.  That or "I'm a mighty girl!" (Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the words "mighty girl" usually accompany some image of a baby girl smiling into the camera. It's always an adorable baby girl. Mighty? Well...) I find myself looking on with much the same attitude that I had when I was younger.

To me, these modern Christian women's words very much feel like wasted breath. It feels like they are arguing for the sake of argument and not because anything is particularly effecting their ability to pursue that which God has called them to individually. What it boils down to for me is that I believe men and women are each made in the image of God, to showcase His glory here on earth. We each of us have different gifts and talents and we will each of us look different from one another (on purpose). I'm more of a "heads down and let's get this job done" type of person and the idea of arguing that everyone needs to watch me go and do my "mighty woman thing" (whatever that might be) seems a bit ludicrous and, well, silly. I also find it silly to think that my fellow females would make me or a group of men watch them go do their thing, whatever it is. It seems like misplaced energy in a variety of ways. I think we ought to spend more time supporting each other in the work we are called to rather than nitpicking through the differences.

Now I know (because I'm friends with many of you) that some of my friends will be immediately disgruntled with my personal take on the subject of "feminism." I can already hear people arguing about equal pay and fair treatment in the workplace. I'll address some of that (but not much) in Part II. For now I'll simply leave it at the fact that I'm for equal pay and polite treatment of both men and women in the workplace. I'll tell you that of all the arguments I've heard for "feminists" the one I most like is Emma Watson's He for She movement. The reason I liked it is because it's the first time I've ever heard a female explain (in a respectful manner) that men are being hurt by the feminist movement and we need to encourage men to be men. I think she speaks truth when she says so. (I think she also speaks a lot of untruth. Pay close attention to what I said of her speech: I said that it's the speech/argument about what feminism is or isn't that I've liked best.) Men are being beaten down, crushed, despised and rejected with all of the arguments about women being the same or better than. Women aren't better than. And we aren't at all the same as the men. We are equal but neither sex is better than the other.

To reiterate my position, it is now and ever shall be that both men and women were made in the image of God. Both sexes are image bearers. We each have a role to play on this earth and we each of us are made to bring God glory. How we do that looks different from male to male, female to male, and/or female to female. We each of us have gifts and talents which we've been given to use.  I think we should focus more on encouraging each person to actually go out and do that which they are gifted to do. And if you are doing for the glory of God, then there becomes less and less to worry about between the sexesand more and more to delight in. Some will call my opinion naive. They will be the kind ones. Some of you will wish to speak more harshly. I don't know that I can stop you but it would be nice if you'd be polite if you should choose to respond.

Bottom line: I believe that the differences between men and women ought to be rejoiced in as we each go forth and do all that God has called us to. The only thing I really can't tolerate in all of this is lazy, foolish boasting.

Men, be men!

Women, be women!

Do everything you do without complaining, grumbling, and arguing!

Do everything you do for the glory of the Lord!

In all of this, I believe contentment is to be found.

Seasons of a Mother's Heart, by Sally Clarkson

When Amy suggested a book club specific for reading Seasons of a Mother's Heart over the summer months, I thought that was a fine idea. I'd read it once before (with another group of women) and figured I could stand a re-read seeing as how I am now an official home schooling mother. Amy suggested a reading plan which I thought sounded good and with every good intent and purpose I sat down to read this book alongside Amy and others. And then I remembered that I am absolutely no good at reading a book in chapter spurts. I am a sit-down-and-read-it-all-the-way-through type of gal and so as much as I tried to linger over the pages and the chapters it just wasn't happening. I eventually gave up, read the whole thing straight through and will write down my summary of thoughts.

First, I should tell you that I have never been a huge Sally Clarkson fan. I do not dislike her, I've just had a hard time connecting to her style. Still, I've never dismissed her because my friend who I greatly admire, and who is further along in the parenting journey than I, initially recommended Clarkson to me. Therefore I have always believed that there is something to be gleaned, regardless of whether or not I click with Clarkson, personally. My friend (who is no doubt reading this post) can now laugh at me because during this particular reading of Seasons of a Mother's Heart I felt like I clicked with Clarkson completely. Quite simply, I ate this book up. It fit me well  and I'm glad for Amy's book club suggestion.

I have so many pages and passages marked as being particularly meaningful or thought-provoking that it is hard to know where to start when documenting my thoughts concerning this particular reading. If you are unfamiliar with this title, Seasons of a Mother's Heart is written specifically to and for home schooling mothers. It is Clarkson's stated purpose and desire to encourage and build-up home schooling mothers, infusing them with Biblical counsel and encouragement to keep pressing on in their mission to raise and train their children.

"When I have tried to do in this book is acknowledge the burdens and difficulties of being a homeschooling mother, but even more to point you to what the Bible says about how to do God's will with confidence and joy. That, to me, is the real challenge of the homeschooling lifestyle - to maintain a living and vibrant faith in the power of the Holy Spirit." (Introduction, page 15)

What I'll do is share two particular points which I took away from my time in this book:

1. God gave each of my children their personalities with a purpose in mind!

"Believe it or not, God did not give your child that personality just to help you grow! He gave it because He has a purpose for that child to fulfill, and He needs your child's personality strengths. God did not make a mistake in giving your child his or her personality, so don't make the mistake of being critical of it. Learn to appreciate God's handiwork in each of your children." (Chapter 7, A Touch of Sympathy, page 139)

I struggle sometimes with the way that my children are different than me. Reading these few sentences made me laugh at myself for my unreasonable expectations that my children think exactly the way I do and say the things I do in the way that I want them to. They are their own people, created with specific personalities for specific purposes and God is working just as well in them as He is in me. Trusting His plan seems the thing to do and encouraging my children to continue to know the Lord is all that I need to do.

Yes, it is true that being around someone 24/7 will present a trial or two as you learn to adapt to their individual communication styles and personality "quirks" but that is not a bad thing. I don't know how else to explain it except to say that when I read those few sentences I exhaled. My children's innate personalities serve a purpose. Accepting and loving that fact has been doing me a great deal of good of late.

2. The job of homeschooling our kids falls to Jonathan (my husband) and myself. The responsibility belongs to no one else.

"Just by making the decision to homeschool we already face a bevy of critics - other parents who vocally defend public schools for their children, church members who think we're overprotective, family members who think we've gone off the deep end, and neighbors who suspect us of something weird but they're just not sure what. And, as if that weren't enough, we add our own voices to the critics' chorus, berating ourselves that we aren't doing enough and feeling like failures because we don't live up to the unreasonable demands we've placed on ourselves.
. . . [M]y desire is that you would find freedom in the Spirit to follow Christ - freedom to do God's will your way in your home. I have in the past wrongly wanted others to do God's will my way, or I have judged others harshly by my own idealistic standards. Thankfully, God has humbled me and renewed my thinking. The more I discover the grace and freedom of Christ as a homeschooling mother, the more I want to offer it to others. The more I find freedom to love Him and serve Him in my home, the more I want to encourage others to do the same." (Chapter 8, Freedom from Guilt, page 160)

Boy do I identify with that! It doesn't seem to matter what direction I turn in this homeschooling journey, I'm met with critics. I'm doing too much with my kids. I'm doing too little. I'm overexposing them to information they aren't ready for. I'm not exposing them enough. I do too much outside of the house with them. I do too little. I expect too much from them behavior-wise. I don't expect enough. I'm too strict. I'm entirely too lenient. I read the right books to them. I read the wrong books too often. They watch too many movies. They haven't seen as many as other children. I push them too hard. I don't push them hard enough. The way we feed them is weird.

And on. And on. And on.

No doubt you've experienced this as well. As I move along through life I hit moments where I feel less than capable of parenting. Then there are times when I am extremely confident (some might say overconfident). It's the ebb and flow of life. I love Clarkson's permission to do things our way as our own family. I appreciate (would appreciate?) the ability to just let things be in a manner that works for us and blesses our family. Let the critics say what they will, we need to know what works for us and what God requires of us and do that. Period. The end.

That is not to say I am not always learning. That is not to say that we will not change our mind about what we do and the way we go about doing things as seasons change and our children's needs develop, grow and change. Change happens and it's our responsibility and duty to keep our eyes on Christ and follow hard after Him as individuals and as our own family. We will do our best and can promise that and no more. It's the best we can promise to anyone.

Anyway, it was so helpful to receive that encouragement from reading this book. Taking time out to read this book was also helpful as it just fed my soul and allowed me to sit and ponder my role as a mother. I love being a wife and a mother and I want to do these jobs well. As Clarkson said, in order to do so, we mothers need a lot of encouragement and she succeeded in giving some to me and for that reason alone I appreciate this book.

I highly recommend it to you if you've not read it. Also, if you'd like, please follow along with the continuing discussion of this book over at Hope is the Word. I have linked to Amy's individual chapter discussions below:

Chapter 1: Celebrating Life
Chapter 2: Changing My Will
Chapter 3: Beside Still Waters
Chapter 4: Building Your House
Chapter 5: Planning to Live
Chapter 6: Surprised by Joy

My apologies for not reading it more slowly. But at least I read it! That has to count for something, right?!

Seasons of a Mother's Heart Book Club

AMY at Hope is the Word is hosting a book club to discuss Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It's been a few years since I've read this one and I think it's a good time to re-read it as I continue (always) to re-prioritize my commitments and schedule in the (bright) light of motherhood.

Amy posted more about the book club HERE and included the schedule for chapter discussions.

If you'd like to learn more about this, please visit Amy at Hope is the Word.

Reluctantly Related, by Deanna Brann Ph.D. (Giveaway!)

I received an e-mail asking me if I wished to review Reluctantly Related: Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-law and there was no way I could refuse it! I mentioned recently that the in-law relationship is not one that it written about frequently or discussed very much. (At least, it's not talked of politely most of the time!) I know that learning how to grow a bond with in-laws can take a lot of time, effort and hard, hard work. And prayer. It would be nice to see these relationships addressed well. I am ecstatically happy to say that Reluctantly Related handles the subject of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship quite well.

It should be noted (since this is Reading to Know) that Reluctantly Related is not written from a Christian perspective. Deanna Brann, Ph.D. is a clinical psychotherapist who is noted in her field as being an expert on mother-in-law (MIL)/daughter-in-law (DIL) relationships. (One can only imagine the stories she could tell, right?) While this book is not written from a Christian perspective, it is filled with forthright, practical advice on how to navigate the tricky - and frequently scary - waters of this particular relationship. She offers advice full of sympathy and humor which is borne out of personal experience and many interviews with MIL/DIL pairs. I found this book helpful to me 9 years ago. (I'll explain what I mean by that in a minute.)

I love that Brann begins her book by pointing out why it is that this particular relationship can be so fraught with misunderstandings and miscommunication. In short, most often you choose your own friends for yourself. In the case of an in-law, you aren't really choosing them but you are being called upon to be close to them and share life with them, regardless. Other friendships tend to develop naturally and over some period of time. In the case of a MIL or DIL relationship, it comes together as a result of the decision of a third party and the MIL and DIL find themselves in an incredible situation of needing to figure out how this relationship is going to work well - and fast! Brann likens this to "entering a three-legged race with someone who is much taller or much shorter than you are." In other words, it can be awkward and strained as you are learning who the other person is and how they now fit into your world.

Brann makes clear that a MIL is an older woman who is (most likely) the more mature of the two women in terms of life experiences. She is likely the one who is more secure in who she is as an individual and so it can be hard for the MIL to treat the DIL as an equal for the simple fact that the MIL tends to view the DIL as young and naive. While this is true, Brann also recognizes the importance of understanding that the DIL has lived some life (though not as much) and brings her own, unique experiences to the drawing board. The DIL cannot be discounted as a person or treated as anything less than an adult as a result. That to say, Brann spends some time presenting the challenges these two marvelous women face when they come together to be a part of one man's life.

She then proceeds to offer some character sketches and typed personalities both for the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. She does this by offering examples of four particular personalities that you might find in a MIL and then a DIL. The reader is encouraged not just to find the personality that best suits them but also the one that they believe their counterpart believes best suits them. Relationship through understanding is what Brann is driving at in this book. She essentially wants her reader to "be slow to speak and slow to anger" so that they can learn who the other person is as an individual. She wants you to remember that there is likely always something about the other person (be it their life experiences or personal emotions) that you do not know so taking time to ask questions and be patient is of great importance. A good relationship between these two women is completely possible, but it will take a great deal of work. (And prayer!) Anyone who is married knows this to be true, no matter how perfect the relationship is or may seem to be in various moments. Things come up that need dealing with and if the opportunity exists for both parties to talk through issues and work on improving their communications with one another, there is blessing in store.

I would love to have been able to read this book alongside my MIL when Jonathan and I married. Reluctantly Related would have been incredibly useful to us and to Jonathan also. I can pinpoint my MIL's personality and my own in this book and see where we made mistakes. Gratefully we had good communications when she passed away several years ago. At this point in time, I cannot correct mistakes or have a "do over." I can only learn from my mistakes -- alone. That feels a bit unfair, but it is as God fashioned it and it is better to learn from my mistakes than re-create them!

Happily, my father-in-law remarried and I have an opportunity to have a great relationship with his wife who I do refer to as my mother-in-law. (I've talked about her before. She's awesome and I love her dearly.) I feel like I've been twice blessed in this department, really. Jonathan's mother will always be dear to me and I think I will always be learning through her for the rest of my life. She definitely has influence in our home even still. Always. And I am grateful God gave us a woman to love us in her absence. I truly do enjoy the concept of a mother-in-law and I am always happy to find a resource that will teach me how to improve and correct my own attitudes and thoughts so as to foster the fantastic relationships that I've been blessed with. I desire to make this relationship the best it can be. (I might fail! She might fail! But the desire is there so we press on!)

As Brann points out, the chances are very high that both women truly do desire to have a good relationship with one another. The problem is, they don't know how to get there. There are so many questions to answer, so many things to know about the other person. Again, it is a relationship that takes time to grow. It takes patience and a boatload of consideration. There are moments in which one or both parties might fail miserably but, especially as Christians, we believe that there is grace and we must live as we believe that.

Certainly some issues create more conversations than others but a willingness to succeed at the relationship can take you very far. (More so your willingness to lay "self" at the foot of the cross and see what God might have in store for you if you develop this relationship.) And, as the author points out, the worst relationship can be turned around.

I found Reluctantly Related to be powerfully relevant and would suggest it as a must-read for anyone who finds themselves in one of these roles. (For the record, I also recommend it to anyone who is about to be on one of those roles.)

Many thanks to The Cadence Group for sending a copy of this title my direction in exchange for my honest thoughts. I honestly recommend this book because I loved it!

Further thanks to them because they have arranged to giveaway ONE copy of this title to one of you! Care to win it? Simply leave a comment below, including a valid e-mail address! This contest is open to US Residents only and will be open through Monday, June 10th.

*****
Other books on this topic that you might be interested in:

• In-Laws, by William Mack (short booklet which is packed full of helpful advice; Biblically based)

The Bare Naked Truth, by Bekah Hamrick Martin

I have to tell you that it is something of an honor to have the opportunity to read and review a copy of The Bare Naked Truth by Bekah Hamrick Martin. I also confess to being scared out of my mind to accept it for review. Why these conflicting emotions?!?! Because I know Bekah. Well, I know her online and through other people, chiefly my husband Jonathan (who introduced us). She was "Jonathan's friend who is going to write a book someday."

Guess what? Today's the day! This is that friend's book!

Any of you regular book reviewers out there know that it's a scary, scary thing to accept a book for review from someone you know more personally. The burning question in your mind is, "WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE IT!??!?!"

My entire body was tense as I cracked open the pages of The Bare Naked Truth and began reading, praying to God (literally, actually) that I would like it. Subtitled Dating, Waiting, and God's Purity Plan, I knew I was going to have a strong opinion about it and I desperately hoped it would be a good one. Also, as anyone that knows me in real life can tell you, I'm rather reserved when talking about the subjects which are dealt with in this book. I never use the word "naked." I do not talk about such "things" generally speaking. I avoid the subject(s?). I don't know Bekah well enough to know how she was going to handle it. Needless to say, I had some reservations.

Happily, having now read it,  I can tell you that I have zero reservations about this book. I enjoyed the read. I think Bekah knocked this subject out of the ballpark and wrote something not only relevant to today's teen girls, but entirely correct. She doesn't mince words in giving advice and pointing teens to scripture (hence the title of the book). She addresses areas of concern or interest to teen girls with humor and wisdom. She appeals to a teen's ability to ration and think deep thoughts (hurray!) and makes the reader feel as if she is standing at the ready to give them a hug to help them through the rocky moments of puberty.

Bekah takes a look at the following subjects that teens are having to think through more often than (I think) we adults realize:

• Why "gaining experience" isn't as valued as society makes us think it is
• The myth of "safe sex" outside the confines of marriage
• Masturbation
• Who or what fulfills and completes our emotional needs
• What if you've been taken advantage of or have made some not-so-great decision? What does God think of you then?
• Much, much more

What makes this book on these topics more approachable than others like it? Primarily the difference between this book and others Bekah's writing voice. I once heard her say that she really enjoys the writing of Erma Bombeck. You can tell. She has a wicked (in a good way) sense of humor. It is here that I confess to you that I laughed out loud (literally) all through the book. She relates to her readers by sharing stories from her own life with self-deprecating humor which allows the reader to get a little closer to the message and to relax.

The subjects which she addresses in The Bare Naked Truth are not necessarily easy for us to sit down and have a forthright conversation about. It takes some amount of courage to discuss these subjects even amongst friends, let alone with teens who we are supposed to be teaching and influencing. Again, Bekah's manner in addressing the reader makes the reader relax. Relaxing and laughing about this topic makes it an easier pill to swallow.

Her observations about teens are spot on, from all I can tell. Her advice, as I mentioned, is Biblical and appropriate. She doesn't mince words or try to play "cool" when what is needed is the bare naked truth. She has handled the subject masterfully in my opinion and I'm not just saying that because I know her. It is well done! And I have no hesitations in recommending it to others.

Many thanks to Zondervan for shooting a copy of this title my direction in exchange for my honest thoughts. I honestly think this book is fantastic! (And I'm so relieved!)

Check out Bekah's website if you have a moment and take a peek around.

Fit to Burst, by Rachel Jankovic

It is here! It's been released!
Fit to Burst : Abundance, Mayhem, and the Joys of Motherhood, the "sequel" (if you will) to Loving the Little Years, by Rachel Jankovic, is now available to moms everywhere.

Jonathan, my very kind and generous husband, took advantage of Canon Press's pre-sale option back in December and kindly stuffed my stocking with this newbie so I've had it for a bit. I've been sitting on it, waiting to talk about it until it's release.

Loving the Little Years still ranks as my favorite book for mothers of young children because I feel that it offers a good balance between relating to the challenges (while making you want to laugh about them, even if you can't in the moment) and reminding you that life isn't all about you and it was never meant to be so.

Fit to Burst continues with that train of thought, making it an equally valuable read.

Rachel writes in the Forward:

"I don't pull punches or hold back in this book, because I am writing to myself as much as to you. I know that as mothers we face very similar temptations, and we have a unique opportunity to sympathize with each other over those challenges. We have a common bond. We are the sisterhood of the people who know about long days. That is true. But the fact that we all face the same temptations should give us a burning desire to conquer them, not to wallow in them. I write hard-hitting things to myself, because I want to grow in grace. I'm sharing them with you in the hopes that they will strengthen your faith and encourage you to mother in a way that honors Christ."

It is this attitude - the kind that says, "Yes, but so?" - that first, makes me feel safe to read this book. I know that I'm not going to be allowed a pity party. Yes, mothering is hard but obedience to the Lord in my thoughts and attitudes is still required. Secondly, it's easy to throw a pity party without any encouragement whatsoever. It is helpful to have someone come along and tell you to snap out of it. Yes, indeed, the days are long. But the years are short and God works both in long days and short years. It would be good for us not to forget that.

Can Jankovic adequately appreciate the trials of motherhood in order to be able to write to herself and to us,  helping us to keep a watch on our thoughts and attitudes about mothering? She has six children all under the age of eight (one set of twins!) and so I think she has a pretty good idea of how motherhood feels. She also has a good sense of humor to describe it. Check out this passage:

"Have you ever noticed that when there is more than one straw in a milkshake, everyone sucks faster? Everyone knows they are competing, and every sip by someone else means less for you. People start breathing through their noses to minimize lost time.
I have felt for a long time that little children have straws that tap directly into their mom's energy. The milkshake up is me, and the milkshake is my energy, and every child is armed with a straw." (Chapter 6, When the Milkshake Runs Low, page 46)

Now, I can laugh at that because we all know what sound a straw makes when it's reached the end of the substance it's sucking up. The sound of desperation is nasty to listen to. And it's nasty to feel depleted without the reserves to continue mothering. (Where is the time to sleep? To rest? To be alone? To not be touched for five seconds!?) Jankovic gets it, but still she doesn't allow us to wallow. She acknowledges emotions but meets them with truth.

"When we are at home with our children, this is the means of our sanctification. This is the testing of our faith. And it is Christ's faithfulness that enables ours.

. . .

We need to be faithful because He is faithful to us. We can trust him to fill our milkshakes, because He never runs low. And just to set the record straight,

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every wight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the thrown of God. (Heb. 12:1-2) (Chapter 6, When the Milkshake Runs Low, page 48)"

Janovic handles fears and failures well - pointing her readers always to the cross of Christ. She talks about weariness, the need to correct (your children as well as yourself), learning and applying wisdom, and also about how we as wives and mothers are to be treating the husband and fathers in our homes. The chapters are short and easy to comprehend, yes, but the challenge she lays out for becoming a mother saturated in scriptures and grace is not quite so easy. Not easy, but doable. Wrapping up the book she reminds us that gratitude for all that we have, are and do is important in order to come the women and mothers that God would have us to be. She writes,

"Our gratitude for our problems does not just enable us to troubleshoot more effectively, or get through the day with fewer emotional headaches, although it does do those things. Gratitude enables us to do our daily work as unto the Lord. It makes the little things that we do every day an offering to God. When we do the dishes, when we correct the children, when we mop the floors, when we sort out the clothes and clean out the basement. When we do all these little things full of gratitude, we are making a difference in the kingdom of God." (Chapter 18, It Ever Shall Be, page 119)

Once again I found myself encouraged by Jankovic as I continue on in my mothering and also as a wife to Jonathan. I recommend this one to you as well.

Professionalizing Motherhood :: Reading to Know Book Club

This month Stephanie from Stephanie's Mommy Brain is hosting the Reading to Know Book Club. She selected Professionalizing Motherhood, by Jill Savage. Her post is the official start of this month's book club discussion. She shares her thoughts with us below.

I have to tell you, I love her thoughts here. She outright disagrees with the particular issue that *I* took with the book and she feels free to say so. Which creates fun discussion. So, THANKS, Stephanie for feeling free to tell it like you see it. Oh wait. That's why I like you, generally speaking  . . .

*****
Professionalizing Motherhood :: Another Viewpoint.

In November 2006 hormones, sleep deprivation, and extreme exhaustion threatened to completely overwhelm me. At the time I mothered a 3.5 year old, a 21 month old, and a 3 month old. I counted the hours until my husband came home before he had even left for work!

Unlike Carrie, my mom worked most of my childhood. BOTH of my grandmothers worked while raising their children. My mother-in-law, a missionary in Asia when her children were born, hired "helpers" to assist with the cleaning and daily chores in her home. So, I entered motherhood without witnessing a stay-at-home role model or a mentor to guide me through the tumultuous early days.

At some point during November 2006 I picked up Professionalizing Motherhood: Encouraging, Educating, and Equipping Mothers At Home by Jill Savage. As I read, I felt like someone had thrown me a life preserver.

Here was an author who had been where I was and had lived to tell the tale! I related to Jill's motherhood stories. And, like Jill, I had taken part in more than one conversation that ended awkwardly when I told my husband's co-workers that I was a stay-at-home mom.

I think it's unfortunate that Carrie (and others in the comments) took exception to the word "professional" as applied to motherhood. The idea of motherhood being a chosen career greatly appealed to me 6 years ago, and still appeals to me today.

"The profession of motherhood is more than a variety of tasks -- it involves a higher calling. It is a calling to invest years in the life of another. It is a calling to love unconditionally. It is a calling to sacrifice. Being at home is truly a job that is often taken for granted by others. A sense of accomplishment can often escape us. It is hard labor with no monetary pay. It is certainly not highly valued by most of our society." (p.68)

I believe this quote is the heart of Professionalizing Motherhood. But Jill doesn't just talk in the theoretical, she also gives practical tips for moms at home.

Jill offers examples of how to have fun (something my task oriented self frequently needs reminding of!), how to incorporate prayer into daily family life, and a ton of other ideas to help moms (and dads!) at home balance the tasks of life with the role of building healthy young people.

Rereading Professionalizing Motherhood 6 years later as a mom of 4 kids (3, 6, 7, and 9 years old) was a different experience from the first reading. Back then I hung on to sanity by a thread. Today I am a confident (um... opinionated?) experienced mom.

In 2006, I gleaned a bunch of ideas I wanted to incorporate into our family life. I felt encouraged that if Jill could do this motherhood thing well, then so could I.

In 2012, I remembered all of those former ideas (unlike Carrie I write in my books) and took satisfaction in the ways they have been implemented in our family. This time I walk away from Professionalizing Motherhood encouraged that I am doing this motherhood thing well, not perfectly, but well.

I sincerely hope that you don't let Carrie's issues with the term "professional" keep you from reading Professionalizing Motherhood. For me, the book lives up to its promise of "encouraging, educating, and equipping mothers at home". I urge you to pick up a copy today and be the judge yourself!

*****
Did you read this book? Care to share your thoughts with us? If you've written up a blog post sharing your thoughts, please link it below in the comment section. If you don't have a blog, but would like to share some thoughts on this title, please feel free to do so.

Next month's book club read is Uncle Tom's Cabin. More about that on Monday! Have a great weekend, folks!

The Fruitful Wife, by Haley DiMarco

The Fruitful Wife: Cultivating a Love Only God Can Produce, by Haley DiMarco. Don't even waste time reading my review. Just go buy a copy and start reading. The end.

That's pretty much all I want to say but it is probably best that I say a little more in order to qualify this as a "review", eh? Bother. I don't really want to talk much about The Fruitful Wife because I'm a far cry from being one! This book hit me smack between the eyes and really had an impact. (At least, I hope it did.) I received it for review roughly a month ago and I've been reading it very slowly; about half a chapter a day. Even then I felt like I was reading it too quickly. I should probably also tell you that I've already begun re-reading it because it's just that good in a horribly convicting sort of way!

This book also goes down in Carrie history as being the first book I took a pen to. I underlined, dog-eared pages and covered it in i-Clips. It is also going to go down as one of my favorite reads in 2012 - not because it's fun but because it's just so good in a purifying sort of way. I've already (advanced) purchased copies for other people and it's going to be my new book which I gift new wives with. I'll tell them to read it once right after they get married and then again in about 3-5 years when married life starts to become real. (If you've been married for at least five years or more then you know what I mean.) It's not that you can't or that you shouldn't work on cultivating the Fruits of the Spirit (Galations 5:22-23) even before you are married. You should! But this book is going to be more impacting to you when you've discovered that you, by your own "love power" will only fail when it comes to showing your husband and family any of these fruits all by yourself. When you begin to recognize that there are some really hard things that you must go through as a married couple - (in order to grow! hard things are good things!) - and that you do not have it in you to show much love or kindness (or patience or whatever) in your own strength, then you'll start to really pay attention to what DiMarco has to share (and also what God has to say). While I would like to say that I wish I had read this book earlier, I can also honestly say that it wouldn't have had as great an impact any earlier. We had to go through hard things first and recognize that hard things will come again. It is life. It is right.

I seriously have so many pages and passages marked in this book that I hardly know which to share. One reason I connected with it so much is because of DiMarco's honesty in sharing who she was and who she is with the reader. Now, strictly for example sake, let me compare DiMarco with Sally Clarkson or (an old favorite of mine) Elizabeth George. While I like both Clarkson and George, they both have this soft spoken nature about them. They are all happiness and joy and, quite frankly, I'm not the sort of person who is always smiling. Reading someone who feels like they are always smiling can get on my nerves and make me dismissive of whatever truths these lovely ladies are trying to communicate. DiMarco admits upfront, at the beginning of each chapter, that she almost feels as if she shouldn't be writing this book. Her personality is very straight forward, in your face, brash and loud, thoughtless, impatient and unkind . . . until God began to convict her of her sins. It is easier for me to hear the words of someone who explains that they are very impatient by nature and that they have learned, by and through the grace of God, to be patient. She describes her former emotions and attitudes as relates to each "fruit" of the Spirit in ways that made me laugh outloud because I identified. I'm an extremely impatient person. I am . . . unkind. I am frequently unloving and I am extremely selfish. Extremely selfish. People bother me. So, to hear her say, "I was this - but now I am not after repenting and immersing myself in scripture" was very encouraging. She gives hope as she explains that grace and the power of the Holy Spirit will help me and others to imitate God (Ephesians 5:1; 1 Peter 1:16) in being kind, being loving, being faithful and possessing self-control.

I'll share a few notable passages, just to give you a flavor for the book. Don't blame me if you begin to feel convicted. Just thank the Lord.

On Patience:

"Impatience implies that God has lost control; that things have happened that weren't meant to happen and that life is out of whack. But for the believer who trusts in God's complete sovereignty, there is nothing that is too late, too slow, or unwelcome, because we know that it all first passes through the hand of God (see Lam. 3:38). When you are assured of this truth, you are set from from the bondage of impatience that prompts you to become controlling, critical, doubtful, fearful or just plain restless. The restlessness of impatience that grinds on your gut and panics your mind is the opposite of resting in the Lord, of finding strength in His peaceful patience and His sovereignty over even our little inconveniences and catastrophes." (Chapter 4, Patience, page 95)

On Kindness:

" . . . [I]t's neither justice nor fear that keeps us from kindness, but simple ignorance of what God has said and done. And that's why an ignorance of who God is prevents us from abiding and living a life that bears spiritual fruit, which includes Biblical kindness. And it's from this ignorance that we start defining words like kindess through our flesh. For instance, as long as your definition of kindness involves what you get out of it, like love or acceptance, it's fruit-of-the-flesh kindness and not the grace kind of stuff we are talking about. Until we know that kindness isn't just about being friendly to those who are friendly to us but about showing kindness when hate or indifference is given in return, when anger erupts or when we're simply unappreciated, we can't fully grow in the fruit of kindness." (Chapter 5, Kindness, page 113)

There are more. There are oh so many more passages I would like to quote but time and space will not allow for that at the present. Suffice it to say, I highly, highly, highly recommend The Fruitful Wife.

I am very happy to say that Crossway Books has offered up TWO copies of The Fruitful Wife to two of you. Would you like to win? Simply leave a comment below! This contest is open to U.S. Residents AND Canadian residents and will be open through Sunday, September 30th.

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. THE WINNERS, as selected by Random.org, ARE #17 - CrossEm (who is getting married shortly!) and #30 - Barbara H. Congrats, ladies!

Thank you, Crossway Books, for publishing this book in the first place. Then, thank you for sending a copy my direction for me to read, in exchange for sharing my thoughts. (I'm always happy to do so.) Lastly, thank you for offering two copies for two of my readers!

You will recognize them by their fruits. Matthew 7:20