The Home Team, by Clint Archer

I haven't been accepting many books for review of late for a myriad of reasons, one main one being that I don't necessarily feel like there is much discretion on the part of publishers as to what they publish. It is feeling more and more that anything can and will be published just 'cause. It seems to me that there are an awful lot of poorly written or just plain "meh" books published that probably shouldn't have been. It doesn't feel as if very skill is required of authors or readers these days! I can't prove these things beyond a shadow of a doubt, of course, but I feel them. Therefore I've made a personal decision to heavily scale back on accepting books for review. My reading time is as valuable as any one's and I want to spend time with good books that will prove a great benefit to myself and my family.

Honestly, there are only three Christian book publishers that I trust to produce quality Christian non-fiction anymore. One of those is Shepherd Press. When I saw the title The Home Team pop up, I was instantly curious and wanted to give it a read. Shepherd Press offered to send me a copy for review purposes and I was delighted to dive into this one. I was very happy to have given it some time and attention.

In our family, we talk a lot about being a team and that's the first reason this particular title caught my eye. We talk about how we all have to work together to accomplish things and to enjoy life. When any one of us are fighting with another, we stop and remind ourselves that we were placed together for a reason and a purpose and so we need to keep on working hard to stick together. Don't get me wrong - it is hard work! But it is good work and it offers great rewards. We like our team and are always interested in learning how to make it a better and stronger one.

Author Clint Archer definitely likes sports and so there are a great many sport-like analogies and stories told to communicate his key points. If you are not a "sports person" don't fret; I am not a sports fan and I had no troubles whatsoever with his stories. I never felt like he was "going off" about a game but skillfully used games and certain athlete's performances to teach how each family member ought to act to benefit the whole unit. His sports analogies/stories were short, to the point, and directly applied to the information that he was trying to pass along. Absolutely do not let the idea that this is a book about sports turn you off. By the later half of the book, he rarely mentions sports at all!

The Home Team: God's Game Plan for the Family is meant to be used as a tool to reformat the family, if you will, into a unit instead of a diverse group of people who just happen to live in the same household for a time. One thing in particular that I found interesting was Archer's admissions that this is a subject he has been and is still growing in. He is quick to say that he is not an expert on family, that he struggles sometimes in his role of providing spiritual headship, and that he still has much to learn. His humble admissions keep the reader asking questions of themselves because if you know the author doesn't necessarily have it all together then it's easier to dialogue and question your own motives and methods as you proceed in building your own family.

On the heels of that last paragraph, it should be quickly noted that his humility doesn't degrade the book into uselessness. Archer is still learning but he has learned and what he shares is practical, useful and is an encouragement to others. He definitely takes a "traditional" (and I would say biblical) approach to the family in holding to the position that the husband is the head of the house and the wife is the helpmeet. I have no issues with this as I believe this to be according to God's complimentary design. While his approach is certainly "conservative" and "traditional", he deviates from many modern conservative Christians in saying that this book is not meant to be a rule book or to provide some sort of checklist for "How to Build Family." He says quite plainly in the Introduction:

". . . [B]efore you read another paragraph or turn another page, please consider Jesus. Do not read this book for another list of ways to do marriage and family better: it's not intended as a rulebook or a checklist. If you read it like that, you will get frustrated and fail. You cannot accomplish any of these principles in this book apart from the Spirit of God applying grace to your failing heart. So seek Jesus and His grace. Then read on." (Introduction, page 11)

In other words, he isn't giving you a How To. He merely intends to lead the family to the Bible to learn what it is that God said the family was supposed to be.  Then, by God's grace and gift of wisdom, you need to make personal decisions for your own family which possess the ultimate goal of following God and bringing glory to His name. There is no checklist because we aren't cookie cutter humans. Our families cannot look the same.  However, if we are doing it right we are all doing it with the same goal in mind. I see no reason to avoid a similar end. even if the particulars in how we get there look a bit different.

Ultimately, the purpose of Archer's book is to remind us all of our families' goals and purpose in life. That is? To bring glory to the Lord. If we operate by God's "play book" then we will find life more easily enjoyable but not completely devoid of trials either. Focusing our eyes on the Lord and seeking His wisdom is certainly in our best interest and the end result is something to look forward to instead of dread.

I'll let Archer end my post by sharing a quote that I found particularly meaningful as it reminded me that while our families may look different , we each need to keep our eyes on the ultimate prize of knowing Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. The details all don't matter all of the time but certain details do. (Did you track with that?) Going back to scripture and the Creator of Family is the only way to make things in our individual households work properly. If that is all this book manages to help you remember, then it is a worthy read.

"Define your goals according to God's original design for the family and His specific calling for your family. Then you can work together as a team, depending upon the Holy Spirit to energize and bless that work. You can also judge your successes or failures according to God's standards rather than according to human wisdom, which may change with every generation. You can even enjoy the work of glorifying God as part of the family team, receiving the blessings that come from belonging to and participating in a God-glorifying family." (Chapter 2, Team Basics, page 36)

This one will remain on my book shelf for a re-read.

Many thanks to Shepherd Publishing for sending this book my direction in order to facilitate this review. I received no additional compensation and all opinions are 100% my own.

KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanology, by Rich Morton

I accepted KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanology for review out of curiosity. Our family has adopted and so it is a topic that I am interested in. I wouldn't say that we're one of those families who becomes passionate about adopting to the point where it takes over our entire identity. Most of the time we forget that one of our children is adopted. Your children become a part of you, regardless of how they arrived into your home. Adoption, like home schooling, is not something that I think everyone is called to do. In fact, there are some people I don't think should ever consider the idea of adopting just like there are some people who absolutely should not attempt home schooling. Just because one person is called to it, doesn't mean another one is.

There was a part of me that was afraid author Rick Morton would try to convince everyone to adopt. When I cracked open the pages of KnowOrphans I was rather suspicious that this would be the case, but my fears were instantly assuaged. Morton is not trying to convince people - specifically Christians in the church - to adopt. In fact, he argues that our first concern should be to support families so that they can remain intact. He believes that it really is in everyone's best interest for families to stay together and learn to function within the original family unit. However, the fact is that some parents around the globe are unable to keep their children with them for any variety of reasons. When this is the case, then it should be our priority to help keep kids in the culture that they were born into. When this is also not a possibility, then adopting internationally should be supported. In all of this, I agree with him for many reasons which I have no intention whatsoever of debating with anyone.

Morton's mission with this book is provide ideas for churches to become actively involved in supporting orphans around the globe. My husband and I have been talking about this exact subject quite a bit these past few weeks. Again, I wouldn't say that we've necessarily had a passion for the subject outside of our own family but a few things lately have been awakening some new ideas within us. Morton raised an argument which had grabbed my attention a few days before I began reading this book and that argument is one that pro-choice people tend to lay at the feet of pro-lifers. The pro-choice argument goes that it's all fine and good to say that we believe mothers should "choose life." However, they argue that unless we are willing to provide the practical help necessary to enable the mother to have and then raise the child, we ought to just shut up. I think this is a fair charge to lay at our feet. We can say, "Choose Life!" all we like but if we aren't willing to provide the time, money and love necessarily to keep a mother and her child functioning and thriving then what good are our words? They end up sounding hollow and mean nothing. I think it's time to answer their argument by putting some action to our words. I think if we did that, we might be surprised by how the abortion number begins decreasing around the country.

Reading KnowOrphans broadened my understanding of what can be done to support the orphan. Money is obviously a high priority because, well, it helps make the world go 'round. He notes several organizations that work to provide meals and education for children in single-parent or economically challenged homes so that families can remain intact. He also notes that while not everyone is called to adopt, everyone is called to help care for orphans and widows citing the oft referenced James 1:27. You might not give of your home but there are money issues as well as the opportunity to serve orphans with your time. Perhaps a family in your church feels called to adopt? You could support their efforts with a check and/or meals and/or childcare to offer the parents some relief and assistance. Donate old maternity clothes to your local crisis pregnancy center. Take time out to counsel young women who have recently discovered that they are pregnant. Drop a bag of groceries off at the home of the single mom that you know or bring her a meal. The opportunities really are endless once you get to thinking about it. I also like that Morton calls men out specifically to rise to the challenge of caring for orphans - not just leaving the burden of childcare to women. Many children without fathers need a father figure in their life. Men should be leading the charge to protect and defend the fatherless. It's what they are designed to do.

KnowOrphans really opens up doors for good conversation between Christians. There are a lot of ideas for how to engage in ministering to children in need of family. The church should be that family - it's what we're called to. As Morton noted, there is a resurgence within the church to tend to meet the needs of these children and that is beautiful to behold. But there is still work to do.

Morton may have fanned the flames on Jonathan's and my fires a bit. I was blessed to read this book and would recommend it to get the mind engaged on the plight of the orphan - and what you can do to provide relief. Again, it doesn't mean you have to adopt but there is no doubt a role that you can play. Will you find it? It's an interesting question to think about.

Many thanks to Litfuse Publicity who sent a copy of this book my direction in order to facilitate this review. To see what others thought of this book, visit the Litfuse Publicity page for KnowOrphans.

I received no additional compensation for this review and all opinions are my own.

Searching for Tom Sawyer, by Tim Wright

Just a minute . . . gotta get out my soapbox . . . giving you a moment's warning before I climb up on it. And here we go.

I read Searching for Tom Sawyer: How Parents and Congregations Can Stop the Exodus of Boys from Church on the heels of reading Raising Boys By Design (linked to my review over at 5 Minutes for Books). Raising Boys by Design is a companion title, of sorts. It focuses more on the science of the male brain (with good Biblical advice on how to raise a boy), whereas Searching for Tom Sawyer focuses on the need for churches to recognize the differences between the sexes in the way that they design their services and minister to the males in their congregations. Both titles are very useful reads. Honestly, my favorite was Raising Boys by Design and I can do nothing but highly recommend that you read it over and over again until you assure me that you have. That's not to say that I did not appreciate Searching for Tom Sawyer because I did, but I thought it the weaker of the two and if you only have time to read one, read the other. (If you have time to read both, then absolutely do!)

I'm going to tell you what I didn't like about Searching for Tom Sawyer before I tell you what I like. Part of the reason for that is because my list of reasons not to like it is much, much shorter than my list of reasons to like it. I didn't appreciate two things, in particular. The first is that while I understood the reason for the choice of title (Mark Twain) I thought Tim Wright went into too much detail trying to incorporate the story of Tom into the book. The title speaks for itself and received too long and drawn out of an explanation. Read Twain on Tom and not Tim. (Make sense? Ha.) Secondly, I don't feel like Wright is a strong writer. However, that said, he has a passion for his message and this makes up for any lack of finesse or particular skill. The book is worth reading ten times over so it behooved me to get over my petty dislikes and I was completely able to do so. (It does help that the further you get into the book, the less Wright tries to draw analogies from Tom Sawyer.)

As a mother of boys I appreciate Tim Wright for taking a stand to reach the heart of men. However, I don't think you need to be a mother of a boy to have a reason to read this book. If you are a Christian then I think you should. If you have daughters I think you should if you care about their potential future spouses. It should concern both males and females  how a portion of the Body of Christ's needs are being met and/or ignored. Wright makes a good case (as did Jantz and Gurian in their book) that males are being ignored and that should make us all a bit heartsick, just as it has whenever women
are wrongly defined and mistreated.

Following on the heels of the research done by Jantz and Gurian (Raising Boys by Design), Wright's desire is for pastors and laypeople alike to recognize the differences between boys and girls so that the church can have the greatest impact possible on young men (just as the young women). This involving everything from checking the lyrics of the worship songs sung (carefully considering removing songs which are heavy on romance and short on responsibility before God) to pondering the effects of splitting up Sunday School classes and having separate classes for boys and girls in order to accommodate boys' innate design and desire to be more active and less cerebral than girls. He challenges the pastor, the elders and the men in the congregation to reach out to the boys in the church, to invest in their lives and to teach them what it means to be men. Wright's passion is that boys in the church would stay in the church, growing strong in their faith and convictions.

Now, even in writing the above paragraph I know that people will be up in arms complaining about statements differentiating between males and females. Wright acknowledges that he has had some kick back from his message and anticipates more of the same. Does this make his message wrong? I say no. I say we should be silent for a moment longer and take a second or two more to process his message internally and try to make sense of what he is saying.

Wright believes (and I do agree) that men and women are created and designed differently. This difference does not mean that one sex is greater than the other. He is quick to point out that scripture places both sexes on equal footing but he does note that each sex is designed for different things and I agree. Both Wright and I would also both agree that while each gender has traits that are specific to themselves, there are also exceptions to the rule. Wright acknowledges that he's the sort of fellow who likes to use a lot of words and is quieter and more thoughtful than some of his male counterparts are. Saying that someone is male doesn't mean that they are loud, active, aggressive, or in any way disagreeable (as they are wont to be described). He also is quick to acknowledges that although there are exemptions and variety within each sex, men are the same in that they desire to be heroes and they love challenges. Wright's firm belief is that the greatest example of a hero is Jesus Christ and that if Jesus and right theology is taught, then men will be drawn to the church and the church's mission to be the representative of Jesus on earth; to want to save the world.

Wright encourages the reader to work themselves away from a weak worship service - one that does not actively present a king, a Savior and a conqueror who redeems people from their sins by dying on the cross. Cleaning up the message takes away the meaning and the impact that can (and should!) be had on the hearts of not just the men but also the women! Weak theology will never serve either sex well! The heart of the Gospel message tells men that they need a Savior. It tells them that there is an enemy and a war to fight. (As a woman, right theology tells me that the battle is won and I am saved and redeemed and am safe and secure . . . among other things.)

Ladies and gentleman both, we should not be watering down the Bible, editing it, changing it, or apologizing for it. I choose not to mince words with my kids. I read the Proverbs to them straight up so that they'll know the difference between wise men and fools. They memorize the Psalms as-is to know how to worship God and also to take refuge in Him when things look uncertain. We read the "hard parts" and discuss them so that our boys and our girl will grow in understanding and discernment. And then we solidify what we've talked about by memorizing songs, hymns and spiritual songs so that their souls (and the souls of others!) will be easily encouraged. We strive to show them Jesus and in so doing we show them the greatest example of compassion and commitment to a cause. We show them a truthful and honest King and use our daily experiences to point out the need for Him. As their parents, it is imperative that our theology is correct so that we can teach our boys to be men (and our daughters to be women). And likewise, it is important for the church to hold the truths and scripture higher than any program or any activity to make sure that whatever programs and activities they do put to their use, will be used accurately and profitably.

To that end, Tim Wright does have suggestions for how churches can bring about changes to their ministries in order to appeal to men. I think his suggestions are well and good but the bottom line (and I do believe he would hastily agree) is that theology matters and the Bible can stand all on its own without my help or assistance and draw men to the Lord. Our job, above all else, is to preach the Gospel to our kids straight up, making no excuses, apologies and/or leaving any part out. Preach the word to your children - your boys and your girls. Live the word for your children - your boys and your girls. It is enough. It has always been enough. It always will be enough.

On the topic of worship music (which Wright brings up a couple of times) I think he has a point. I recognize there are differences in musical preferences, but I'm not a huge fan of the "Jesus is my boyfriend" worship songs which you hear a lot of today. I roll my eyes at being romanced by the King of the Ages for example. But if you tell me to arise and hear the call of Christ my captain, you'll have my attention. (That's just to give a little example.) Yes, this book (and this post) sort of focuses on boys and men - which I think is important and necessary to do at this time in history - but I think that if you commit yourself to the Gospel then what is fluff and nonsense will fall away when examined by the same Scripture. If you ask God for wisdom and discernment to know how to approach your young men (and young women) He will give it to you.

Almost to explain how I think men should be within the church (and outside of it), here is one of my favorite modern hymns written by the Keith Getty and Stewart Townsend. I'd love to see this one replace some of our fluffier singing material because I believe it accurately communicates scriptural truths and thus pierces the heart and brings about conviction during a period of worship. We've been memorizing this song as a family and let me tell you, it reduces me to tears every time we sing it. Also, I've noticed that my boys cannot sing this one sitting still and I don't ask them to. Action is a result of truth believed.

O Church Arise and put your armor on  Hear the call of Christ our Captain  For now the weak can say that they are strong  In the strength that God has given  With shield of faith and belt of truth  We’ll stand against the devil’s lies  An army bold  whose battle-cry is Love  Reaching out to those in darkness I believe Searching for Tom Sawyer is a very worthy read and I'm happy to recommend it to you. And also, I'm going to stay up here on my soapbox if you don't mind. This isn't a topic I intend to back away from because truth is too precious a commodity to ignore or lose sight of. And that my children - my boys and my girl - would believe in Jesus Christ is the best thing I could ever, ever pray for them.

Many thanks to Tim Wright who sent me a copy of his book in order to facilitate a review. I have received no other compensation for writing this and all opinions expressed are my own.

Seasons of a Mother's Heart, by Sally Clarkson

When Amy suggested a book club specific for reading Seasons of a Mother's Heart over the summer months, I thought that was a fine idea. I'd read it once before (with another group of women) and figured I could stand a re-read seeing as how I am now an official home schooling mother. Amy suggested a reading plan which I thought sounded good and with every good intent and purpose I sat down to read this book alongside Amy and others. And then I remembered that I am absolutely no good at reading a book in chapter spurts. I am a sit-down-and-read-it-all-the-way-through type of gal and so as much as I tried to linger over the pages and the chapters it just wasn't happening. I eventually gave up, read the whole thing straight through and will write down my summary of thoughts.

First, I should tell you that I have never been a huge Sally Clarkson fan. I do not dislike her, I've just had a hard time connecting to her style. Still, I've never dismissed her because my friend who I greatly admire, and who is further along in the parenting journey than I, initially recommended Clarkson to me. Therefore I have always believed that there is something to be gleaned, regardless of whether or not I click with Clarkson, personally. My friend (who is no doubt reading this post) can now laugh at me because during this particular reading of Seasons of a Mother's Heart I felt like I clicked with Clarkson completely. Quite simply, I ate this book up. It fit me well  and I'm glad for Amy's book club suggestion.

I have so many pages and passages marked as being particularly meaningful or thought-provoking that it is hard to know where to start when documenting my thoughts concerning this particular reading. If you are unfamiliar with this title, Seasons of a Mother's Heart is written specifically to and for home schooling mothers. It is Clarkson's stated purpose and desire to encourage and build-up home schooling mothers, infusing them with Biblical counsel and encouragement to keep pressing on in their mission to raise and train their children.

"When I have tried to do in this book is acknowledge the burdens and difficulties of being a homeschooling mother, but even more to point you to what the Bible says about how to do God's will with confidence and joy. That, to me, is the real challenge of the homeschooling lifestyle - to maintain a living and vibrant faith in the power of the Holy Spirit." (Introduction, page 15)

What I'll do is share two particular points which I took away from my time in this book:

1. God gave each of my children their personalities with a purpose in mind!

"Believe it or not, God did not give your child that personality just to help you grow! He gave it because He has a purpose for that child to fulfill, and He needs your child's personality strengths. God did not make a mistake in giving your child his or her personality, so don't make the mistake of being critical of it. Learn to appreciate God's handiwork in each of your children." (Chapter 7, A Touch of Sympathy, page 139)

I struggle sometimes with the way that my children are different than me. Reading these few sentences made me laugh at myself for my unreasonable expectations that my children think exactly the way I do and say the things I do in the way that I want them to. They are their own people, created with specific personalities for specific purposes and God is working just as well in them as He is in me. Trusting His plan seems the thing to do and encouraging my children to continue to know the Lord is all that I need to do.

Yes, it is true that being around someone 24/7 will present a trial or two as you learn to adapt to their individual communication styles and personality "quirks" but that is not a bad thing. I don't know how else to explain it except to say that when I read those few sentences I exhaled. My children's innate personalities serve a purpose. Accepting and loving that fact has been doing me a great deal of good of late.

2. The job of homeschooling our kids falls to Jonathan (my husband) and myself. The responsibility belongs to no one else.

"Just by making the decision to homeschool we already face a bevy of critics - other parents who vocally defend public schools for their children, church members who think we're overprotective, family members who think we've gone off the deep end, and neighbors who suspect us of something weird but they're just not sure what. And, as if that weren't enough, we add our own voices to the critics' chorus, berating ourselves that we aren't doing enough and feeling like failures because we don't live up to the unreasonable demands we've placed on ourselves.
. . . [M]y desire is that you would find freedom in the Spirit to follow Christ - freedom to do God's will your way in your home. I have in the past wrongly wanted others to do God's will my way, or I have judged others harshly by my own idealistic standards. Thankfully, God has humbled me and renewed my thinking. The more I discover the grace and freedom of Christ as a homeschooling mother, the more I want to offer it to others. The more I find freedom to love Him and serve Him in my home, the more I want to encourage others to do the same." (Chapter 8, Freedom from Guilt, page 160)

Boy do I identify with that! It doesn't seem to matter what direction I turn in this homeschooling journey, I'm met with critics. I'm doing too much with my kids. I'm doing too little. I'm overexposing them to information they aren't ready for. I'm not exposing them enough. I do too much outside of the house with them. I do too little. I expect too much from them behavior-wise. I don't expect enough. I'm too strict. I'm entirely too lenient. I read the right books to them. I read the wrong books too often. They watch too many movies. They haven't seen as many as other children. I push them too hard. I don't push them hard enough. The way we feed them is weird.

And on. And on. And on.

No doubt you've experienced this as well. As I move along through life I hit moments where I feel less than capable of parenting. Then there are times when I am extremely confident (some might say overconfident). It's the ebb and flow of life. I love Clarkson's permission to do things our way as our own family. I appreciate (would appreciate?) the ability to just let things be in a manner that works for us and blesses our family. Let the critics say what they will, we need to know what works for us and what God requires of us and do that. Period. The end.

That is not to say I am not always learning. That is not to say that we will not change our mind about what we do and the way we go about doing things as seasons change and our children's needs develop, grow and change. Change happens and it's our responsibility and duty to keep our eyes on Christ and follow hard after Him as individuals and as our own family. We will do our best and can promise that and no more. It's the best we can promise to anyone.

Anyway, it was so helpful to receive that encouragement from reading this book. Taking time out to read this book was also helpful as it just fed my soul and allowed me to sit and ponder my role as a mother. I love being a wife and a mother and I want to do these jobs well. As Clarkson said, in order to do so, we mothers need a lot of encouragement and she succeeded in giving some to me and for that reason alone I appreciate this book.

I highly recommend it to you if you've not read it. Also, if you'd like, please follow along with the continuing discussion of this book over at Hope is the Word. I have linked to Amy's individual chapter discussions below:

Chapter 1: Celebrating Life
Chapter 2: Changing My Will
Chapter 3: Beside Still Waters
Chapter 4: Building Your House
Chapter 5: Planning to Live
Chapter 6: Surprised by Joy

My apologies for not reading it more slowly. But at least I read it! That has to count for something, right?!

Don't Make Me Count to Three!, by Ginger Plowman

Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Plowman is a re-read for me. The last time I read it my oldest was two and an only child. In retrospect, I was barely parenting. Still, I seemed to think it was valuable enough to hang onto (I ditched a few along the way) and I was thinking it might be high time for me to dive back in now that I'm in the thick of child training years with a six, four, two and nine month old.*

I have to be honest with you here and say that training children is something that I feel passionate about and not only for the sake of well-behaved children. Speaking as a Christian, it is important that you train your children to love the Lord and want to know more of Him. Touching hearts is what we're called to do as parents and it bothers me when I see Christian parents ignoring their children in this way.  We are all aware of the fact that teaching children to respect their authority figures is a fast declining concept.  We see children defying their authorities in grocery stores, restaurants, at playgrounds and inside homes we visit. As a result of our (i.e., adults everywhere) failure to teach our children to love, honor and respect us, the society of children, in general, has become undesirable. Authority figures are a nuisance to the child just as the child is a nuisance to the adult. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be broken. Worse, if we do not give our children reasons to love and respect us as their parents (as well as other authority figures in their lives), then why should we ever expect them to love God? We haven't taught them to.

Christians - in particular - need an attitude adjustment when it comes to having children for themselves, or having them around in general. (I'm not talking about quivers full of them. Let's say I'm talking to all parents who have between 1 and 22 children here.) We've forgotten that God said that children are a treasure from the Lord. (Ps. 127:3) Instead we think of them as pesky nuisances who demand everything from us and drain us of energy and sanity. To our disgrace, we think they don't notice our attitude but the truth of the matter is that our thoughts influence our actions and our actions to our children are very visible. Children notice everything. Our children are desperately in want and in need of our healthy time and attention.

There is always room for improvement as a parent and I know I certainly need a kick in the proverbial pants when it comes to that. I can so quickly become discouraged by the monumental task in front of me. Honestly, I'm a weird mixture of over confidence and fear. I need to find some middle ground. I need to trust Christ more and stop relying on myself and my energy (which is low most of the time) and obediently follow His design for raising children. Teaching and instructing children to be obedient and to seek Christ is no small matter but it's not impossible. It just takes a lot of work, alongside a lot of encouragement and personal instruction to make sure I can keep keeping on!

To that end, I really appreciated re-reading Don't Make Me Count to Three! I marked several passages as being particularly applicable to my family's stage in life. The first was encouraging to me to want to reach my children's hearts. (Some days I confess I care way more about their outward behavior and how convenient I find it than what is driving and motivating them to behave the way they do in any given moment.)

Drawing out matters of the heart is no easy task. It takes much practice to become a skilled heart-prober. Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Our goal in probing the child's heart is to bring him to the sober assessment of himself as a sinner, to help him recognize his need for Christ, and to teach him how to act, think, and be motivated as a Christian. It is not that difficult to train our children to act like Christians. We have really accomplished something when we train them to think like Christians. Thinking like a Christian will help them grow in wisdom and prepare them to govern their own behavior in a way that will glorify God. (Chapter 3, Drawing Out Issues of the Heart, page 40)

Being a "heart prober" is definitely a monumental task! And without God's grace and favor, I simply could not do it. With His help, all things are possible. Even on days when I lack the necessary energy and enthusiasm to get out of my pajamas.

But how are we supposed to teach the heart once we've reached it?

"It is important to rebuke our children when they do wrong, but it is equally important, if not more important, to walk them through what is right - to put off as well as to put on. Ephesians 4:22-23 says, "you were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." (Chapter 4, Training Children in Righteousness, page 47)

The long and short of it is - it is incredible amounts of time to instruct our children in the whys and hows of how to go about "putting off" their sins. We need to be teaching them that they need to be responsible to "put off" the sins of talking back, lying, being unkind to their siblings, etc., and then begin teaching them how to "put on" new behaviors which are pleasing the Lord in accordance to His laws. How might this look? Plowman suggests role playing. Let's just pretend (it'll be a huge stretch for your imagination no doubt) that Child A is screaming at Child B because Child B is holding the toy that Child A feels they are entitled to in this very second. You could add your own screams of frustration to the mix, or you could take a deep breath or take this teachable moment to tell them not only that their behavior was wrong and they have a sin in need of confessing, but to instruct them how to politely ask for things that they want. Also, they need to be instructed to utilize some self-discipline when they do not receive the things in the time frame they wish. Parenting in this way takes way more time than stepping into the children's situation just to determine who had the toy first. In moments like the one I've described, it doesn't matter who had the toy first. Each child has something to learn about putting off sins (they are both being selfish) and putting on good behaviors (being kind and tenderhearted).

Another thing I really appreciated Plowman saying:

"Conditions like fatigue can play a part in behavior with small children, but sin is sin and wrong is wrong. Even if you are tired and hungry . . . There is nothing in the scriptures to validate the neglect of training because the child is tired or hungry. They sin, not because they are tired, hungry, or having a bad hair day, but because they are sinners. God has placed parents as the authority over them to teach them, not to make excuses for their sins." (Chapter 6, The Power of God's Word, page 71)

We need to do our best to make sure our children are on a schedule that helps them behave well. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they eating properly? These are all good questions to ask ourselves and if we know that changes need to be made to allow their little persons to function well in society as well as in our homes, then we need to make those changes. If we need to get them home and in bed on time to ensure a happy attitude tomorrow, then it is advisable to do so. This may mean sacrifice on the part of the adult but who said parenting comes without sacrifice? (No one? Oh ok.)

As Plowman further notes: God has given parents the responsibility to use every opportunity to point children to their need for Christ.

We instruct our children of the law of Christ, not to force a law down their throats but to teach them of their need for Christ; we teach them about God's marvelous grace in reconciling sinners to Himself. So no matter how tired or hungry our children are, they still must strive to avoid sin. For that matter, no matter how tired and cranky and stressed we are, we also need to strive to avoid sin. Our children are, after all, looking to us to set an example and we cannot teach them what we do not know and put into practice for ourselves.

And so in summary, we can read books like these and be encouraged by them. But we also must be spending time in the Word for ourselves. We need to constantly be learning and growing in our relationship with Christ, seeking His wisdom so that we might learn how to parent our children well. It is a marvelously hard journey, fraught with all sorts of difficulties and challenges. It is also a road paved with blessings and it would do us well to start looking for them.

*Oops! By the time I got to the end of this post, I forgot to add in the "p.s."! You'll have noted that I mentioned there's a 9 month old in the picture now. We are happy to say that there is a Bookworm4 . . . he's just in another country at the moment but will be joining us shortly.

Parenting With Scripture, by Kara Durbin (giveaway)

(Special Note: I'm posting this on a Sunday as it is linked to a post which is set to publish at 5 Minutes for Books. Want to make sure links work! :) Consider this a Monday morning review and giveaway!)

*****
Parenting children is hard. There's no two ways about that. It's not easy emotionally, mentally or physically. Children are a great blessing and a treasure from the Lord, let there be no mistaking that. However, they come with a lot of work attached. One of the reasons that it is so hard to parent is that each child you have is your responsibility. You are responsible before God to how well you parent your kid and beware to anyone who leads a little child astray.  (Matthew 18:6) If God takes the business of raising children seriously, then shouldn't we also? It's not a situation you should enter into lightly, just because you think you are physically able to create a cute child or you are desperately in want of someone to love you.

Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments, by Kara Durbin, provides easy help for parents who are serious about raising a child in the fear and respect of the Lord. In this book Durbin takes a list of topics that you would typically run into as a parent of a young child or teen (or another adult, or yourself) and provides several applicable scriptures to help you address problem areas. For example, when it comes to dealing with anger, she defines what it is, provides the full text for several passages in scripture which deal with the topic, gives a list of additional scriptures which you are encouraged to look up, and writes out a short devotional for you to use with your child in getting a grip on their anger issues. She gives the same type and kind of information for any variety of issues from apathy, gossip, hate, guilt, laziness, patience, perfection and stress. If that list looks negative to you, the book doesn't focus entirely on such harsh topics. It also gives scriptures which encourage the child with hope and healing. How should a child handle criticism? Competition? Knowledge? You'll find that this book assists you in getting at applicable verses in a hurry or verses to linger over and memorize.

It rather goes without saying but Parenting with Scripture isn't designed to be used apart from the Word of God. Although this guide is very handy you'll need to be careful not to use it in such a way that you yourself fall into the lazy habit of not reading the scriptures directly (in context, in deep study) for yourself. I know Durbin doesn't mean for that to happen as much as I wouldn't mean to take things that far. Saying this is a warning for me personally (as well as anyone else who decides to pick this book up!) but it is also a huge compliment to Durbin who took the effort to search the scriptures and put together an easy guide for parents who are struggling with their children to overcome sin.

As Durbin affirms:

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)

Kara Durbin wrote this book to be a tool to minister to parents who are striving hard to train their children well and I think she succeeds in her goal. This is a marvelous tool and resource and one I find myself happy and enthusiastic in recommending to other parents.

I am happy to kick-start my recommendation of this book by letting you know that Moody Pulishers authorized me to give away one copy of this book to one of you. To enter? Simply leave a comment below. This contest will be open through Monday, March 4th.

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. THE WINNER, as selected by Random.org, IS #1 - *Carrie* (Congrats!)

You can also see some of my additional notes about this book over at 5 Minutes for Mom where you have a second chance to enter and win a copy. (You are welcome to leave comments on both sites if you wish.)

Thank you, Moody Publishers, for sending a copy of this book my direction and for providing two extra giveaway copies as well.

Fit to Burst, by Rachel Jankovic

It is here! It's been released!
Fit to Burst : Abundance, Mayhem, and the Joys of Motherhood, the "sequel" (if you will) to Loving the Little Years, by Rachel Jankovic, is now available to moms everywhere.

Jonathan, my very kind and generous husband, took advantage of Canon Press's pre-sale option back in December and kindly stuffed my stocking with this newbie so I've had it for a bit. I've been sitting on it, waiting to talk about it until it's release.

Loving the Little Years still ranks as my favorite book for mothers of young children because I feel that it offers a good balance between relating to the challenges (while making you want to laugh about them, even if you can't in the moment) and reminding you that life isn't all about you and it was never meant to be so.

Fit to Burst continues with that train of thought, making it an equally valuable read.

Rachel writes in the Forward:

"I don't pull punches or hold back in this book, because I am writing to myself as much as to you. I know that as mothers we face very similar temptations, and we have a unique opportunity to sympathize with each other over those challenges. We have a common bond. We are the sisterhood of the people who know about long days. That is true. But the fact that we all face the same temptations should give us a burning desire to conquer them, not to wallow in them. I write hard-hitting things to myself, because I want to grow in grace. I'm sharing them with you in the hopes that they will strengthen your faith and encourage you to mother in a way that honors Christ."

It is this attitude - the kind that says, "Yes, but so?" - that first, makes me feel safe to read this book. I know that I'm not going to be allowed a pity party. Yes, mothering is hard but obedience to the Lord in my thoughts and attitudes is still required. Secondly, it's easy to throw a pity party without any encouragement whatsoever. It is helpful to have someone come along and tell you to snap out of it. Yes, indeed, the days are long. But the years are short and God works both in long days and short years. It would be good for us not to forget that.

Can Jankovic adequately appreciate the trials of motherhood in order to be able to write to herself and to us,  helping us to keep a watch on our thoughts and attitudes about mothering? She has six children all under the age of eight (one set of twins!) and so I think she has a pretty good idea of how motherhood feels. She also has a good sense of humor to describe it. Check out this passage:

"Have you ever noticed that when there is more than one straw in a milkshake, everyone sucks faster? Everyone knows they are competing, and every sip by someone else means less for you. People start breathing through their noses to minimize lost time.
I have felt for a long time that little children have straws that tap directly into their mom's energy. The milkshake up is me, and the milkshake is my energy, and every child is armed with a straw." (Chapter 6, When the Milkshake Runs Low, page 46)

Now, I can laugh at that because we all know what sound a straw makes when it's reached the end of the substance it's sucking up. The sound of desperation is nasty to listen to. And it's nasty to feel depleted without the reserves to continue mothering. (Where is the time to sleep? To rest? To be alone? To not be touched for five seconds!?) Jankovic gets it, but still she doesn't allow us to wallow. She acknowledges emotions but meets them with truth.

"When we are at home with our children, this is the means of our sanctification. This is the testing of our faith. And it is Christ's faithfulness that enables ours.

. . .

We need to be faithful because He is faithful to us. We can trust him to fill our milkshakes, because He never runs low. And just to set the record straight,

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every wight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the thrown of God. (Heb. 12:1-2) (Chapter 6, When the Milkshake Runs Low, page 48)"

Janovic handles fears and failures well - pointing her readers always to the cross of Christ. She talks about weariness, the need to correct (your children as well as yourself), learning and applying wisdom, and also about how we as wives and mothers are to be treating the husband and fathers in our homes. The chapters are short and easy to comprehend, yes, but the challenge she lays out for becoming a mother saturated in scriptures and grace is not quite so easy. Not easy, but doable. Wrapping up the book she reminds us that gratitude for all that we have, are and do is important in order to come the women and mothers that God would have us to be. She writes,

"Our gratitude for our problems does not just enable us to troubleshoot more effectively, or get through the day with fewer emotional headaches, although it does do those things. Gratitude enables us to do our daily work as unto the Lord. It makes the little things that we do every day an offering to God. When we do the dishes, when we correct the children, when we mop the floors, when we sort out the clothes and clean out the basement. When we do all these little things full of gratitude, we are making a difference in the kingdom of God." (Chapter 18, It Ever Shall Be, page 119)

Once again I found myself encouraged by Jankovic as I continue on in my mothering and also as a wife to Jonathan. I recommend this one to you as well.

"Me Time"

Last week I took a cue from my ol' pal C.S. Lewis who said, "It is a good rule after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between."



I decided to re-read Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches, by Rachel Jankovic, after having finished Beyond Bathtime (linked to my review).

Loving the Little Years is a quick and easy read and I highly recommend it. (I've reviewed it before HERE.) I've also purchased several copies to give away to various friends. I have also been informed that more than one friend has turned around and bought several more copies for mothers that they know. Truly, this is a great book! My opinion on that score remains unchanged.

During this particular re-read, I was struck by the chapter on "Me time." I've heard it and I know you have too -- we mothers "deserve" time alone. Neither Jankovic nor myself would argue against that point. Raising children is a hard, tough (and somewhat draining) job to have. For example, if you're sick, there is no calling into work to take time off! You must work through the pain or discomfort! There is always something that needs doing and always someone who wants your attention. Sometimes you might feel like you just want to escape and take a personal vacation day. And, quite honestly and frankly, sometimes you might need to. Getting away and recharging is important. However, taking time to be alone is something that I think a wise wife and mother will consider carefully. Please note that I'm preaching to myself here because I needed to re-read this chapter.

I'm an introvert. I like to be alone. In fact, I recharge best in peace and quiet. Lots of talking, lots of people and lots of noise for prolonged periods of time leaves me feeling anything but energized. I like getting together with friends, but I prefer to get together with them only periodically as it keeps conversations fresh and exciting. (I also like to make sure I have a few hours of uninterrupted time with them when I do meet for fellowship so that we can really take time to share with and encourage one another. Then I like to go away again and process for awhile.) My children do not seem to share this same desire for a patterned relationship with great quiet spaces. (Nor should they!) They like to be with me, sitting on me, talking to me, grabbing my hand and walking alongside me, requesting piggie back rides and wanting to tell me long stories about the intricacies of Angry Birds and Legos. Some days I feel like the Grinch, grabbing my head and complaining about all the "noise, noise, noise!!!" It overwhelms me and I need to get away, have some space, and just be quiet for a little bit. Then I return to them recharged and at peace again. Thankfully I have a husband who understands this and supports me by giving me opportunity and ability to "escape" for my "me time" on a regular basis.

Recharging is good and I'm all for it. But what I'm NOT in favor of is the message that we mothers/wives/women deserve the "me time" or have a right to it. We need to be careful not to stray into territory that will cause us to fuss and fume if we do not have our time alone, which will then cause resentment to build up between ourselves and our spouses and/or children. I particularly have to be careful about how I view nap time (or quiet time) in our household. Every afternoon from 2-4 p.m. my three children either take naps or have their own quiet periods. Sometimes, for whatever reason, that doesn't happened and I lose my own quiet time in the process. This tends to put a strain on me as I feel that I "need" my time alone. (And in a sense, remember I already admitted that I do! But while I recognize that quiet brings me rest, I need not to not feel resentment when I do not receive my just afternoon reward! Ahem.) This is something I have to work on.

In Loving the Little Years, Jankovic says:

. . . [T]he Christian view of self is very different, and you need to make sure that it is the one you have. We are like the characters in a story. our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be discovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognize yourself, when you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out - look at the people who made you what you are - your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.
Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the "others" will find that they are a very broken thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be so energetic, but all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!" And the world gathers around and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams.
But the Christian woman needs to see, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with!" A Christian woman's view is always forward and never back. (Chapter 12, Me Time, pages 61-62)

She concludes with this statement:

If you want some quality "me time," make a date with your husband. Do something special with your children. These people are you. Your identity is supposed to be intertwined - that is the way God wrote the story, and it is the way He intends us to read it. (Chapter 12, Me Time, page 62)

That's a doozy of a truth for me to remember. They are me. I am their mother. I am Jonathan's wife. That is who I am and this is the time we have together. Contrary to how it may feel at times, our time together is very fleeting. A brief moment in time is all that I have with my children. A brief life with Jonathan. Time continues to pick up speed and my babies are no longer babies.

I want to remember this. But I don't want to just want to remember this truth - I want to live it in light of the resurrection, knowing that every day I live as if Jesus died and rose again for my sins and has called me to live a life that reflects the truth of Him to others. My children will learn to love God by the way I live my life with them. I am not saying that their faith is dependent on me, for it is not. But their view of God will be influenced by the way I live, the things I say, and what I represent of Him to them. Representing that they are interfering with my own plans and selfish desires for "me time" does not reflect how God views them and says nothing of the plans He has for each one of their amazing lives. My time is not my own. Christ paid a great price so that I would be His and now my job is to glorify Him and represent Him as accurately as possible to those who help make me who I am - a wife and a mother - no matter how much noise they might manage to make in any given moment.



Here's the main point I need to remember:

It is important to seek the wisdom of God in discerning what I personally need to do to build our home. Sometimes that means not planning a night out, or using "quiet time" entirely for my own individual pursuits. This answer will look different for each mother and each family (I do realize this) and it will also look different in the various seasons of life. For me, right now, it's knowing that sometimes I need to give up quiet for the sake of the family and for the sake of the gospel.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

As a side note - I honestly don't even want to hit "publish" on this post for fear that my darling daughter, who is teething, will not sleep this afternoon and I'll be instantly tested to see if I believe anything that I have typed. This is the danger of blogging, you know. I'm tried by my own declarations of what is true! Therefore there is the ever present need to pray for and encourage one another as we persevere!

Beyond Bath Time, by Erin Davis

WARNING: LONG POST. I even edited it! This one prompted a great deal of thought though and so I've got to go with what is written.

~~~~~

Two pages into Beyond Bath Time: Embracing Motherhood as a Sacred Role and I was pretty confident that I was going to be purchasing a copy for everyone I knew. By the end of the book I wasn't as fond, but I think generally speaking, my opinion of it is still good. In today's society, when motherhood is looked down upon and is, in fact, discouraged - this book is quite a valuable tool and resource.

I realize that this post is going to be "speaking to the choir" more or less, since most of my regular readers here are stay at home moms like myself. You know the joys of being a mom, and you also know there are innumerable challenges blessings involved. You'd walk through fire to do what you do because you understand that being able to stay home and raise children is a privilege. You also know that society does not agree that you are using your time very well and you feel as if you are swimming against the tide trying to convince people that children are a blessing from the Lord. You know that you can't actually afford to stock your pantry with bon bons and that no matter what it looks like to other people, it is of grave importance that you still make time to read. (Ahem.) You also likely do not own a tv or keep regular appointments with it. (Whatever shows you do watch, you tend to enjoy post-children's bedtime.) I hear you. I get it. I know what your arguments are before you make them and you know mine.

If you would like validation for your sacrifice, then Beyond Bath Time will provide it. In this book, author Erin Davis addresses the lies that society has fed us about why the role of motherhood is one that can and should be avoided if at all possible. If you are of the mindset that motherhood is unimportant or that you cannot justify the idea of staying home and "merely" raising children with your life, then you might consider reading this. It may challenge your opinion on the importance of motherhood, for Erin Davis desires to develop within the hearts of women (in particular) a love for the role that they have been called by God to fill. If you are one of the first stay-at-home moms in your family, then you also might be incredibly encouraged by this book as it will most definitely affirm your decision and foster the desire to mother.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I believe that motherhood is a high calling and staying at home provides great value (and health) to the family structure. I believe women were created and designed to be life givers and nurturers and serve both the family and society well by embracing their design instead of rejecting it. I therefore very much appreciated Davis's message and agreed with it whole heartedly. I would most definitely hand this book over to anyone looking for a "shot in the arm" to encourage them to consider family first over a career. (Before my personal real life friends who do not agree start hooting and hollering in the comment section about my position - hang tight. I know your arguments, see your personalities and have some sympathies for what I know you are going to say. Feel free to share your opinions and rants below in the comment section anyway. I think, generally speaking, my position is reasonable. Specifically though I know a few of you have situations and personalities which create argument of the good sort so rant away if you'd like!)

I believe that Erin Davis has a lot of good things to share. During the first seven years of her marriage, she didn't want to be a mother. When she finally became pregnant, she cried as she told her husband about it. Becoming a mother and embracing that role was not something that came easy to Davis. She freaked out and then learned to cope - and thrive! She is not a perfect mother and readily admits that mothering is hard work. She maintains though that it is beautiful work as done before the Lord. She offers encouragement to moms who are weary in well-doing.

"Motherhood may include many trials, but that doesn't mean you aren't blessed. We think being blessed means we feel happy, our life is easy, and everything is smooth sailing. But we are actually blessed when we are doing kingdom work and when our circumstances make us more like Jesus and press us into a closer relationship with Him." (Chapter 7, Blessing or Burden?, page 96)

She reminds us that no matter how hard the day or the season of motherhood, the Lord is right there with us, offering us the strength we need to make it through! She quotes Colossians 1:10-12 and then says this:

"No matter how many challenges we face, we can be strengthened by God's power. We do not have to do it all in our own strength. And how do these verses urge us to respond to this problem? With patience, joy, and thanksgiving." (Chapter 7, Blessing or Burden?, page 93)

She encourages mothers not to just look at what is "right now" - but to look at the big picture of what they are doing when they decide to become mothers and focus their life's attention on training up children.

" . . . [Y]ou are not just building a family; you are building your part of the kingdom. Doing so has the power to strike fear in the hearts of the enemies of God and put His power and glory on full display." (Chapter 5, The Lesson Eve Teaches About Legacy, page 72)

Don't I know it! Any Christian mother who decides that she is going to stay home and raise her children (and then maybe even home school them!) is well aware that she is surrounded by people who do not like what she is doing. Such a mother is surrounded on all sides (by believers and unbelievers alike) who question her sacrifice, challenge her beliefs, mock and deride her and fail to offer her support in raising up not only little members of the Body of Christ, but future members of society! (And you should hope and pray that those future members of society are well-trained and productive or else you are going to have a heap o' problems to deal with once they are set loose!) But this: no matter how big and scary the naysayers make themselves, the Christian home maker/SAHM/home schooler has the assurance that God is with her and will help her leap over countless roadblocks and stand victorious (and blessed) in the end! (See Psalm 18:29 for encouragement.) Encouragement is precisely what Davis wishes to offer to the reader and she does so. Therefore I like the book.

All throughout the first half of the book I was in a state of love with it. Then I read the concluding chapters and became less enamored. I do think that's in part due to the fact that my personality is distinctly different than Davis'. First, I must tell you that I am a big proponent of a mother/family having a support system. I think being around like-minded people and having friends who can come alongside you and motivate you in a scripturally accurate way is incredibly important and valuable. Thus far, Davis and I agree. She focuses heavily on the idea of a spiritual "sisterhood" that got a little too flippant and ridiculous sounding to my personal taste.

It is here where I make my confession: I dislike the term play date and am virtually guaranteed to decline going on one if ever asked. I can't stand the term because it sounds like some sort of arrangement where the mothers get together to gossip while the children wallop each other in the fore or background. Personally I dislike suggesting that the only reason I'm going to get together with another mom is so that our kids can have some playtime. If I'm going to get together to really fellowship with another woman, I'm inclined to have a "ladies night out" rather than a "play date" because then I can focus on having a genuine and uninterrupted conversation with my friend. If my children are present, I am almost completely focused on training them how to behave. There isn't much time to relax. (Also, if I'm in a "play date" situation and I see someone else's kid needing some instruction I have a hard time relaxing.) "Play dates" are not for me. Davis rather encourages them. She also makes a point of talking about the benefits of Twitter (hey, you can even Twitter info about this book!) and Facebook (hey, you like the book's page!) and the like. It was a little too sales pitch-y and not very genuine in offering scriptural guidelines for pursuing Biblical fellowship with other females. We definitely differ on the ways and means which we seek out encouragement but we both agree that such encouragement is needed. I'm just not on the More Power to the Sisterhood Bandwagon that I feel she is on.

This is probably about as much of my own personal thoughts as you can handle at the moment and I should draw this to a close. I thought this book was really interesting though. I devoured it quickly and am generally approving of it, with the stated exceptions.

Thanks, Moody Publishers, for shooting a copy of this one my way. Excellent food for thought and a great testimony to a society that regrets life and dismisses life givers. Appreciate it!

Just a Minute, by Wess Stafford

Just a Minute: In the Heart of a Child, One Moment ... Can Last Forever was sent to me by Moody Publishers. This book is written by the President and CEO of Compassion International, Wess Stafford. The book is made up of a string of short stories which all give an example of how giving "just a minute" of time to a child can be hugely influential in their little lives.

Stafford has traveled the globe and in this book he shares stories that he has heard at Compassion International events, as well as personal stories. All combined, the goal is to encourage the reader to take time out of their busy day and schedule to effect positive change in the life of a child. The stories are compassionately short and heart warming, just as you might expect them to be. The whole time I was reading it, I wondered if Stafford was a father who had to spend a consecutive 24-hours of time with his own children, because reading these stories made me feel exhausted as a mother. They really can make you feel a sense of Mommy Guilt if you aren't careful. I started wondering if I was being creative enough and spending enough time investing in my children. But I am and I do and there's no need for me to take on more guilt than I already naturally have in not being able to give each child my undivided attention. Some days go by and I discover I have not said even one brilliant thing to a single one of my kids.

I rather felt like Just a Minute had a Chicken Soup for the Soul feel to it. The stories were endearing and they make you feel all warm and fuzzy. I like Compassion International and have no problems with it. (We are sponsors to a little girl in the Dominican Republic.) Stafford's personality which eeked into and out of his writing didn't turn me off in any way. I just found it to be more of a "bathroom reading material" sort of book which didn't impress me with any strong emotions in any direction. It is certainly not a bad book. It's just a fluffy Love a Child sort of affair.

Ok, perhaps this is not a glowing recommendation and a way to start out a bloggy week but there 'tis. This book claims to be a set of "68 Stories That Will Inspire You to Bless a Child's Life." Right now I think my children will feel blessed if we play a game of Uno and I make lunch and feed it to them. Some days it's not about being brilliant. It's just about living life together. And that takes more than just a minute.

This book was provided to me by Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest opinion. Please do not assume from what I've said that Stafford is devaluing motherhood or parenting in general. He isn't and he doesn't. I just wasn't thoroughly impressed or inspired by the book because motherhood leaves me feeling less than clever some days and a bunch of stories in a row about how great someone's interaction with one child is made me want to stick my tongue out at them. (Because yes, sometimes I really can be that mature.) If there was a book about how you can bless a mother in Just a Minute of your time, I'd probably be way more moved.

Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America's Sexual Culture Does to Young Women

Girls Uncovered: New Research on What America's Sexual Culture Does to Young Women is a book that will infuriate you and inspire you at the same time. I find myself angry towards the present day culture and absolutely passionate about promoting purity for young women (and older women!) everywhere. It is, quite simply, a Must Read in a world gone sexually mad.

Girls Uncovered was written by Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD, two obstetricians as well as parents to daughters. They wrote this book to offer guidance to parents in the form of research and scientific fact so that parents will better be able to "help [their] daughter[s] safely navigate today's sexual culture." They approach the topic of sex in a matter of fact way which is also "hard hitting" and straight forward. I can't think it would be very easy to argue with the information that they provide within the covers of this book. Their supreme motivation is to assure parents and daughters alike that abstinence is not only something that can be achieved prior to marriage, but that is must be achieved for optimal sexual, mental and physical health of the woman.

"As doctors and parents with years of experience and research, we've concluded that the standards of today's sexual culture - namely, that young women engage in sex with many partners, starting at a relatively young age - simply aren't in young women's best interests. The new sexual norm for young people don't lead to the outcomes that young women consistently say they want as measured by virtually any indicator of health and well-being. We want to sound the alarm, not in order to limit young women's sexual lives and futures, but in order to enhance them - indeed, to rescue them. (Chapter 1, Hopes, Dreams, and Fears, page 9-10)

The authors go on to explain in their opening chapters what statistics show that young women hope to achieve in life. (The majority of them stating that they want a successful career as well as a stable, lifelong marriage and healthy family.) These authors and doctors lay out evidence that a young woman who engages in early and frequent sexual experiences is actually hurting their chances of being able to achieve their stated goals by introducing real-life threats of sexual transmitted infections. (They prefer to call it an infection rather than a disease due to the fact that many women do not realize that they have been infected by a sexual encounter until years down the road, these infections then causing diseases.) They also mention emotional and physical scars, possible pregnancies and the effects of having an abortion. (The authors do not focus on abortion in great detail. They simply mention it as a possible effect of a sexual encounter and indicate to the reader that there are more dangers involved in having an abortion than some would lead you to believe. They introduce questions about abortions but they do not purpose to provide answers within these pages.)

One thing I particularly appreciated about Girls Uncovered is that the authors are very strong advocates for parents and parental responsibilities. They communicate over and over again how vital and important the role of parents are - both moms and dads - in their daughter's lives. (It rather goes without saying that a set of parents are important in the lives of a son as well. Given the fact that this book deals specifically with the subject of daughters, their argument is for the fairer sex throughout the book.) The authors strongly believe that it is the responsibility of the parents to guide their daughter through life, offering her wisdom, advice and information as well as to offer a covering of protection for her to keep her safe from the modern sexual culture.

"Despite the native intelligence and all the advantages we can give them, all babies, young children, and adolescents are vulnerable. They are vulnerable to being hurt. They are vulnerable to being influenced for good, and they are vulnerable to being influenced for bad. There is a reason they have been given parents." (Chapter Two, Girls: Covered or Uncovered?, page 19)

I want to point out the fact that McIlhaney and McKissic Bush do not push a parenting style that is heavy handed or legalistic. Rather, they emphasize the special role that parents have been given, demonstrating with facts and figures that parents are the most influential people in a young woman's life, all while cautioning the use of honest and open communication and operating out of a spirit of gentleness and respect towards one's female offspring. I was very impressed with the tone that they maintained throughout the book.

"There are many reasons that today's girls and young women engage in acts their mothers and grandmothers would have found unthinkable at the same age. We cannot simply tell them these choices are wrong or unhealthy and they should "just say no" (though the choices are often not healthy). We need to understand and respond to the societal norms and expectations that influence young women's thinking and behavior." (Chapter Three, The Sexual Lives of Teens and Young Adults, page 29)

This book is quite literally filled with statistics and a summary of various reports. It is designed to help/cause a parents to feel the need to protect their young daughters. I'm not going to take the time to quote their sources to you in this review. If you want to know the specifics of what they shared and where they got their information, you'll have to grab a copy of this book. I'm far more interested in making note of the fact that this is a most excellent resource for parents. That said, they do address various lies which they believe society has fed to our girls, including the following:

1. The lie that boys and girls are the same. The authors explain in logical terms why this cannot be true.

2. A lie they call the "Supergirl Phenomenon" that says that girls can "have it all." By this they mean the casual sexual "hookups" so prevalent today, to "tide girls over" until their careers are established. The general idea is that girls can engage in casual sex while pursuing a career and then have the committed relationship and family afterwards. They explain why they believe this is a lie.

3. The lie that cohabitation is smart.

McIlhaney and McKissic Bush finish up their book with suggestions for society and warnings of what will happen if we do not, in fact, chose to start re-providing a covering for our girls. I'll end with this note which is specifically addressed to parents:

"Parenting is not for the faint of heart or the uninvolved. If you want to protect and support your daughter, it will cost you - in terms of time, money, effort, even relational pain. But think of this as a calling, and the costs as investments - because the payoff in the life of your daughter has a much better likelihood of surviving and thriving during these difficult years if you stay engaged and provide the "cover" she so desperately needs. For a girl uncovered is a girl at risk." (Chapter Three, The Sexual Lives of Teens and Adults, page 34)

Quite simply, I think that everyone ought to read this book. The culture as we know it needs a good shake-up. Some of us have dared to be different for awhile now and we must press on. I'm grateful for this book that dares to challenge the lies which our modern culture is feeding to our young women. I do hope you will read and consider it.

Many, many thanks to Moody Publishers for shooting a copy of this book my way in exchange for sharing my opinions on it.